I'm so grateful that we don't have class Friday-Sunday (so I can catch up on everything and maybe get in a little sleep) and that it will only last four weeks.
So, to all my friends and family, I will see you in April.
This is what I have learned so far:
1. a few skills - including taking blood pressure, walking around holding a gait belt, changing a colostomy bag, securing catheter tubing, abdominal thrusts, etc.
2. I do NOT want to EVER be a CNA. EVER. Did you know poop freely flows from the large intestine through the incision in the abdomen and into the bag while you're changing it? Liquidy poop. You can see and clean the intestine as it hangs out on the outside of the body. Who wouldn't want to do that?
3. People who DO want to be CNAs are either Celestial angels sent from God or high school dropouts who smoke pot and have no less than two kids with a long road in front of them.
4. My class is made up of the latter and a few of us nursing school hopefuls who have all agreed to never be CNAs.
5. Vasectomies sometimes grow back.
These are some of the more interesting moments I have had from class so far (I could post daily about it, really, but let's not forget that I'm usually super awesome at keeping this updated all the time... no I'm not)
Danielle, a rich horse-loving teenager from Sandy, told us that the day "The Vow" came to theaters, her next-door neighbor slipped in his shower and forgot the past four years of his life. This started my distrust in her.... More on her later....
Mabel, a 40-something-year-old-Buddhist-Catholic from Chile, told us that she has a fear of doors.... and that someone will be on the other side to hurt her if she tries to shut it. She then told us that her friend, who is an alternative healer, taught her that it means in a previous life, someone killed or raped her with a door involved.
Last Wednesday, Danielle and Mabel were in the break room eating Lime Tostitos. Danielle offered me some and apologized that they were cold because they had been in the fridge. We all enjoyed them for a while, then Danielle put them back in the fridge. Thursday, we had a substitute teacher who normally teaches during the day class. During break, she pulled out the bag of Tostitos from the fridge and said "Do you guys want some? Lime chips are so much better cold." Danielle and Mabel said "sure!" and ate up... I whispered "I thought those were Danielle's," and Danielle and Mabel shushed me and said "We were stealing them!" Ok. I felt like I had to barf up any remnants of my accidentally hawked wares.
Last night, Annastasia bought a year's supply of junk food at the gas station and offered to share with us if we wanted. Danielle took the Corn Nuts and didn't even leave any for Annastasia. She then put the rest in her purse. I could not believe my eyes. Annastasia realized it and told her to just bring her a Pepsi tomorrow or something. It was so awkward.
Also last night, our instructor Vicki mentioned the reproductive system and said "gonads". Annastasia and Danielle both burst out laughing and couldn't stop. They were like, "That's a real word? We thought it was just something guys said." Facepalm.
Annnnd another from last night - Annastasia was reading a disease card and fumbled over the term "blood supply", saying it "blood suppry." I chuckled and whispered "brood suppry" and then she laughed so hard, she couldn't even finish the card. She finally got back to it and said "Ok, I'll try not to sound like a dang J** this time."
I decided to write some poetry about my experiences thus far.
"As I sit in the midst of racists and thieves, I can't but help but dream of Autumn's fall leaves.
Ere they talk of drug habits and religions and men, I want to return again and again.
Reincarnation and rapes done by doors, amnesia after falling from showers to floors."
That's all I have so far. I am so happy to have such a beautiful subject to draw my inspiration from.
This is my dream come true.
