The Ransom Note

UPDATE:

You were all incorrect. It was a secretary, playing a prank... with a guy coworker.

I believe my first words after I found out were, "Amber, you're fired."

She's not really - just might get the silent treatment for a while or something. We'll see. Muwahahaha!
Today is sad. My precious baby has been swiped.
I set up a poll for who you think would take it from my desk.
Please vote. This will help in my detective work.
Thank you,
Lindsey

Painfully.... awkward???

Hola, my peeps! Here is a quick update on how fun, painful, and awkward the past few weeks have been for me.

Camping Trip to Redfish Lake, Idaho for my dad's bday! (Happy Birthday, Dad!)
It was absolutely fantastic and such a load of fun. We went to Craters of the Moon before making it to our campground. While there, I officially became a spelunker! We crawled inside Boy Scout Cave and had a great time there.... It was also the first injury site. With one flashlight and five people crawling around inside, we were mostly stepping in the dark. I stepped down with my right foot, got caught between two rocks, twisted my body around, and fell. I always fall. This is nothing new. This time, however, my shin landed on the sharp edge of a boulder. I politely screamed in pain and then yelled at my dad for about five minutes to not try to pick me up, and just let me sit there while the pain subsides. Happy Birthday, Dad. The bruise/edema is mostly yellow right now. Mmmm. It's a nice goose egg with glassy tight skin over it.


The next day, we went to the lake! Carli, Heather, Poli and I started out on the paddle boat, then switched to the motorboat 1/2-way through our time. I was extremely brilliant and aware of how sensitive my skin is, so I brought plenty of Neutrogena Helioplex spf 70 sunscreen and sprayed it all over. No burns for me!
That plot was so rudely foiled when, in front of the entire Saturday crowd at the dock, I stepped onto the paddle boat, Carli let go of the rope, I let out a polite scream, and fell into the water. Totally submerged. It was four feet deep. I was in the only bra I had brought on the trip. I was not planning on swimming in that cold water, so why change into my swimsuit? So, knowing that I needed to dry off if I wanted to be comfortable the rest of the trip, and seeing others in their tanktops, I took off my pink shirt and became a slut for two hours in my camisole.
You can see my skanktrash bra straps in this photo, as well as my white back which was covered by a shirt while applying sunscreen. Oops. Also, spellcheck did not even underline "skanktrash" on here. Weird.
I was in pain after this day, but not much. I didn't want it to keep burning, so I bought some aloe vera at the local market and had Heather rub it on. Didn't even hurt when she rubbed it. Awesome. That night, it got to hurting really bad. Carli reached over when we woke up the next morning and vigorously scratched my back to say good morning. I screamed, "CARLI! SUNBURN!" and she remembered and felt terrible. That was probably the least painful of the people-touching-my-back experiences. This was what I woke up to Monday morning:I got out of bed, took off my pajama shirt, and felt sudden dripping all down my back and onto the floor. What the? So I looked in the mirror and BOOM! You can see the ooze coming out the bottoms of the blisters. Aren't those ridiculously HUGE? I have never seen anything like them! So, I couldn't put a shirt back on... I had to literally call into work and tell them I could only work from home that day. So I sat, on my bed, in a towel, alllllllllll day. Sleeping was nonexistent that night. There are NO comfortable positions when you are that burned and still dripping.

Tuesday morning, I woke up to this:


Yeah. They dripped all night and crusted over. I couldn't scrub it off because I couldn't touch my back. Mmmm fun. I put on a shirt and headed to work. I was embarrassed to miss two days of work because of blisters. BAD DECISION. ABORT!
Ben Clore, our great facilities manager, came over to my office with HR to give out awards. They presented me with two awards, which I was sooo grateful for, but then they wanted a picture. We got Kim and Amber to stand up with me, and I joked, "Don't touch my back!" HR asked what was up, and we told them what had happened. They were all making the sucking-in-air-and-cringing face. Then I walked by Ben, and he yelled a great big friendly, "Hey!" and SLAPPED me on the back. I politely screamed and started sobbing. For an hour. Apparently, he was on the phone when I was telling the story, even though he was right there. HR kept asking him what he was thinking. Then, we showed him the picture above, and he almost passed out. He still feels really really really really bad about this. I was laughing so hard and in so much pain, I literally could not stop the tears for a good hour and had to go home again. So embarrassing. So funny. So painful.

The next day, we had a company-wide meeting. Ben avoided me like the plague, but one of our owners, Ethan, walked by me and slapped my back. I only cried for about 60 seconds that time.

Then, I blew off Blanch for two activities this week because all I could do was sit at home and be in pain. Well, Thursday night was a night he wanted to watch a movie. I said I couldn't, but I really should have. Why? Because of what ensued later that night at my house when I could have been GONE.

A knock came at the door. I recognized it as a ward and choir member who has talked to me awkwardly before... and I knew what was happening. "Heather, you got that?" "Sure."
J: Hey, uh, is your sister here?
H: Yeah. Linz!! Door for you!
L: Oh hi, what can I do for you?
J: I haven't been to church in a while because of swine flu, and I am completely out of the loop. Are there any ward activities coming up?
L: (I am not associated with the activities committee, so I know this isn't really why he's here) Oh yeah, there's the ward campout, the temple dedication, etc.
J: Oh cool. So, uhh... I actually came here to ask you out. I don't know if you're free on Saturday...
L: (remembering the Pennsylvania massacre from the day before) Sure.
J: Cool. You aren't planning on getting a boyfriend in the next two days, are you?
L: Um, no...
J: K.
L: What's going on?
J: Oh, it's my 10-yr high school reunion.

And that's where it started. I had already said yes. Contrary to popular belief, I am not his wife. I am not even a girlfriend. I'm his choir director.

THANKFULLY, it is also Spencer's class! I started looking forward to it, despite the fact that I really should have told him I was not interested. I was scared and sad that he came all the way to my house to ask me.

A couple hours before the date, J called me to literally ask if I would cut his hair. I told him no.

He came to get me at 5pm. The party started at about 6. We were the first ones there besides the person putting the party together.

We OF COURSE drove by Blanch. J yelled out the window, "{Blanch!}" and he looked over, to see the girl who blew him off twice that week on a date with someone he knows she would never date. Blanch, luckily, was just as embarrassed, since he was in workout shorts, a helmet, and on a bicycle.

I had a freaking blast.

I connected with a bunch of old friends who I knew through work or Spencer. It was so great. J felt bad that he kept talking to people and leaving me out of it, but I could not have been more grateful. I told him not to worry about me and to go reconnect with old friends.

Friends: Hey J!
J: Hey!
Friends: Oh, is this your wife?
J: No...
Friends: Girlfriend?
J: Well...
Lindsey: Um, FIRST DATE. Hi, I'm Lindsey.

Yes, that conversation actually took place.

Then, we went and saw Channing Tatum on the big screen. Oh what a great night! Oh, I guess the movie was something like G.I. Joe something or other. I only cared about Channing.

J did a few more awkward things that night (taking me to Borders to see what books I like, finding it hard to be with me when I mentioned I don't enjoy fiction, we saw my ex-flame Darth Vader there, and he strained to find something we had in common {no I don't watch the extended LOTR DVDs when I'm bored}) but mostly was just a nice guy who will find a nice girl some day. I am not that girl. But she's out there.

He came early to choir practice the next day, tried to talk to me, and I hid in my laundry room and ate lunch until more people arrived. Sigh.