Tilda Swinton, Buster Bluth, and Me

"My eye won't stop watering," I said to Elsie as we checked out "Chalk the Block" at the Riverwoods last Tuesday night.

"I can't come into work today.  I have pinkeye!" I said to Tracy on the phone Wednesday morning as I woke up crusted over.

"You're exactly what I'm looking for in a husband and have the perfect build for me.  Marry me," I said thought to myself as Dr. Hoyt examined my eye Wednesday morning.

"I don't think it's pinkeye, but take some antibiotic drops and see the ophthalmologist if it doesn't improve," said Dr. Future Husband after the examination where he was dangerously close to my face/lips.

"I had that once.  I tried an antibiotic drop for several weeks that did nothing, then I went back to my doctor.  He gave me a stronger antibiotic which cost a lot, but it cleared up right away," said Pres. Patterson Sunday morning during my temple recommend interview.

"I'm sorry you guys have to look at me today.  I tried to fly under the radar since this is the first time since I was 13 that I haven't worn makeup to church, but then they asked me to lead the music in Sacrament Meeting AND substitute teach Sunday School," I said to my class hiding below a halo of golden hair I hoped would draw the eye instead.

"I had that once.  I couldn't wear makeup for SIX MONTHS!" said Tacy at church.

"I NEED AN APPOINTMENT ASAP WITH AN OPHTHALMOLOGIST PLEASE!!!!" I kindly stated on the phone with Dr. Nelson's office Monday morning when they opened.

"Does this hurt?" asked Dr. Nelson as he pressed on the inside corner of my eye and my face erupted like Mount St. Freaking Helens this morning.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh" I said back.

"Are you sure you want to purchase these meds?  They are $90," said the pharmacy tech this afternoon.

"YES"

This is my life.  I wear no makeup, my eye is swollen and red and just drips green or clear tears all day long, and I feel like Buster Bluth when he knows how people see his hook/hand.

Tilda Swinton has some extreme features, but she is who I picture when I see myself in the mirror these days:

I know you're trying to make a statement, TSwin, but we get it.  You think you're hot without makeup.  But for heaven's sake, put on some mascara.  You look SO much better with it.  You do have your own beauty, though, for sure.

I'm just a big fan of mascara.

See exhibit A:

The real me... ok... it's a little old: