The Bathroom Incident

This story is not terribly graphic, but it isn't male-friendly, so if you are one of my three male relatives who reads this blog, you've been warned... but it's still funny and needs to be shared, and I doubt you'll find it offensive because you've all been married.  I promise the ending will make you laugh.

I know the title makes it sound like *I* had a bathroom incident. As if I would share something like that on my blog. This story was luckily one for which I was only a supporting character.

I had the privilege of attending my friend Amanda's wedding reception in January. She and her husband are Polynesian, so it was a huge fancy dinner and party with hundreds of people and a hula program.  I absolutely loved it, and was really glad I got to go.  Polynesians know how to party.

Picture, if you will, yourself in my shoes as I relate the following experience.

My friend Kristin and I went to the restroom, leaving our purses with our table mates.

You can see how nice, classy, fancy, and beautiful this wedding was.  We told the couple sitting there that we would know it was them who stole our wallets if we came back and everything was gone. We're really good at making friends.

Side note - I was really excited that Amanda placed me next to this mystery guy "Alex Haws" - who didn't have a date listed.

He never showed up.

BUT I did find him on facebook! And he is actually a she. So... moving on with my life and this story...

We went to the restroom. As we walked in, I noticed that the girl in the big stall had an open suitcase on the floor and was obviously changing clothes and had come from out of town.

As we went about our business, I overheard the conversation from the girl in the big stall (Girl #1) and the one who walked in to speak with her shortly after we arrived (Girl #2).

Girl #2: "Hey how is everything going in there? You doing okay?"
Girl #1: "Yes, but I can't believe I bled out all over my rental car."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Girl #2: "I know, I'm so sorry. What can we do?"
Girl #1: "Well, could we maybe go to your place? Do you have a garage?"
Girl #2: "Yes, I have a garage."
Girl #1: "I just am so worried about the smell and the mess in the car.  Could I pull into your garage to clean it up so nobody sees?"
Girl #2: "Yes, no problem. We can head over there. I'm so sorry."

I came out of my stall and was just so sympathetic to their situation.  Women gotta help their sisters out!  I said, "Do you need supplies?  I have some in my purse back in the ballroom. I can run and grab it."

Girl #2: "No, we're okay."
Girl #1: "You DO? That would be amazing!"
Me: "No problem!  Stay right here! I'll run and grab my purse!"

I went back to the ballroom, but got caught behind the wedding party line making their grand entrance, so I knew it would be a while before I could get stuff to this poor girl who was just trying to come to this fancy wedding and not be a hot mess, but apparently bled out allllll over her rental car and I'm assuming her clothing.

I finally was able to grab my purse. I hurried back to the restroom.  On my way down the hall, I realized that they probably thought I meant I had CLEANING supplies in my purse - not LADY supplies.  I felt like an idiot.  Sure, I have industrial-strength car upholstery cleaner just chillin in the side pocket of my Michael Kors handbag.  Sure.

I walked in, Kristin realizing the miscommunication and not saying anything because she's nice and had a migraine and was confused...

Me: "Oh my gosh you guys, I'm a moron. I'm so sorry I just realized you probably thought I meant I had cleaning supplies.  I don't.  Just tampons." 
Girl #2: "Yeah I thought it was weird you were offering."
Girl #1, confused: "Huh... yeah... no problem."

I could feel the confusion growing, and felt the weird glances in my direction, which made me question what was going on. This is where the story takes a turn.

Girl #1, who had emerged from the stall looking totally fine and beautiful: "Yeah, I can't believe it. I picked up the beef for the wedding dinner, and it bled out all over my rental car."

The BEEF!

I yelled, "OHHH THE BEEF!" and burst into laughter.  They all realized what had just happened, and we all exchanged names, hugs, tears, and laughs. 

It was one of the better bathroom incidents of my life.