Lindsey's How-To Guide, Part 1: How to Evacuate Your Entire Office Building in Five Minutes or Less

1. Work through your lunch break and get increasingly hungry
2. Listen to your nose when it tells you it smells popcorn and that it sounds delicious
3. Go to the breakroom with a bag of healthy-pop popcorn. You will see other employees enjoying their popcorn and you really really want it.
4. You know from prior experience that the "popcorn" button only pops 1/2 your bag. Decide to set the timer to about 2:45 and then listen for the pops to get further apart.
5. When they're still popping frequently as the timer runs out, take it out anyway. You do not want it to burn!
6. When you open the bag, not simply is only 1/2 the bag popped, the 1/2 that is popped is burnt.
   
7. Throw that bag in the trash.
8. You are still craving the popcorn. Get another bag.
9. Go to the basement community microwave in the building. Surely, it is better than your break room microwave.
10. Notice that the microwave says it is a supreme model, with 1100 watts.
11. You don't actually care because all you want is your dang popcorn.
12. Again, do not trust the "popcorn" button. Set the timer again for 2:45 and listen for breaks between pops.
13. Notice some steam coming out of the microwave at about 1 minute. Smell the wonderful aroma.
14. Stop the microwave with some time left, noticing the pops have breaks.
15. Take out your bag and open it.
    
16. Again, 1/2 popped, and all burned.
17. Throw that bag in the trash and give up on popcorn.
18. As you turn to go back upstairs, a deafening alarm will sound. This will continue for about 45 minutes.
19. Become locked down in the basement as yellow caution panels drop from the ceiling and block the elevators.
20. Jump around for a minute as you panic from being locked in the basement with an alarm.
    
21. Run up the stairs. Try to laugh. It helps.
22. See the building being evacuated. Make sure you grab your handbag and MacBook from your office before heading out. You know there is not a fire and you do not want them to be stolen by some "Creed"ish employee.
23. Stand outside for almost an hour with everybody else from the building.
    
24. Watch the ****HOTT**** firemen go into your building. The fire truck will take about 35 minutes to actually get there.
25. Come back in the building after several people have laughed at you and your nose again tells you it smells popcorn. Throughout the entire building. Burnt popcorn.
26. Receive an email from the corporate office stating the following

    Effective Immediately

    Due to a recent incident involving burnt microwave popcorn, and the resulting fire alarm and fire department response, the cooking of popcorn in microwaves in Prosper facilities is no longer allowed.

    We strongly encourage all employees to closely monitor any food that you reheat microwaves so that we can avoid any such mishaps.

    If you wish to snack on popcorn at work, please cook it at home before you come to work.

27. Become the brunt of office jokes for the rest of your life. You feel like Ryan and can hear Dwight singing, "Lindsey started the fire!"