I want to marry you.

So, today at work, we got a letter for Trump University (we do the coaching for Trump University but obviously do not work for the Donald) and it was by far the BEST letter I've ever received. I opened it and immediately started laughing. We scanned it for emailing purposes, but her handwriting is atrocious as it is, so I will translate for you. I love the photo she included, which is probably from the 80s. Make sure you try to read it from the picture first, but I can help here:

This is what the letter says:

Dear Donald Trump,

I think that 800 billion was supposed to be mine. I had an account with a trillion billion forty million in it on the statement and the bank won't send me checks & a credit card on it. Do you want to fly out & help me, I'm at 19664 Stacey Beaverton Oregon 97006. I don't like living here & need my own house. I'd like an 8 million dollar house, but a 1 million dollar house would be better than nothing. My name is Kerry. I'm 55, I'm at 19664 Stacey Beaverton, Oregon 97006 I want to marry you. We had a date between 1980 & 1984 you met me at Marina Village in Marina del Rey Caly near Los Angeles we went to the Beach Shop Cafe for lunch & you gave me a house in Malibu & said you'd buy me a car. I forgot where the house is Can you send the address. I really need a car. I've driven 11 cars, but don't have one right now Can you buy me a car.

Love,
Kerry

So, we googled the address and yep, she lives in an assisted care living center for the elderly. She is not even a student with us. She must have just seen our address somewhere and decided it was time to send Don a letter. This is the saddest, most memorable letter ever and it certainly had us entertained this morning.

On another note, I did something last night that I secretly wish somebody had been there to videotape. I was in my skirt and cork wedge sandals, walking down the front porch stairs, and I rolled my ankle for the 789,364th time in my life. I then proceeded to gracefully tumble down the rest of the stairs, with two full, big purses, and my leftovers from Olive Garden. Even though it was 10pm and nobody was around to comfort me, I still audibly moaned for a bit. I could not get up for about 10 minutes, so I sat in the cold air, on the cold cement, in my skirt, and texted friends. Today, my foot is up on a stool and box at work with a towel-covered bag of ice. My arm, foot, and leg are all scraped up a bit. Awesome. I just really wish I could see it from the view of another, and have it videotaped. I am positive it must have been super attractive.... especially with me being in a skirt... and all the bags I was carrying.

Another Tag

I was tagged by my cousin, Katie, and I decided to play along! Here we go!

1. I had lazy eye as a child, and wore a horrible brown patch over my left eye to train the right one better. As I have heard, other children wore patches with dinosaurs on them or I can only assume butterflies or Lisa Frank characters, but no, mine were Band-Aid-brown. Thanks, Doc.

2. When I was five or six years old, I told everyone in the ward that my mom smoked, and I genuinely believed it, too. My aunt Bev sat me down one day and said, "Lindsey, I promise you, your mom does not smoke." I remember thinking, "Ha, little do you know..." I thought that when she was in the bathroom, locked door and everything, that she was smoking.

3. I have pretty picky food habits which I have realized over the past couple years. I say no to Teriyaki, sweet & sour anything except Sour Patch Kids, sweet and savory mixed together except chocolate covered almonds, etc., banana-flavored items except popsicles, bananas that are the slightest bit overripe, cherry-flavored items, pie crust, pie filling except cream pies with graham cracker crusts, sushi (which makes me literally vomit right onto my plate, remember Happy Sumo?), jicama, uncooked apples (give me stomach aches), boogers, dirt, cooked olives or olives on sandwiches, bugs, hot pineapple except for Tucanos, more than one piece of fudge, honey except in honey butter, molasses except in gingerbread, fish except shellfish, Moutain Dew, Dr. Pepper, and many other things I can't think of right now.

4. My dream is to be kissed outside in the snow, while it's snowing, and it has yet to happen.

5. I have a slight fear of snapping rubber bands and popping balloons. I hate the games where you try to pop balloons and I am a nerd and was snapped by rubber bands in jr. high band by mean boys. Mean, mean, mean. And the STUPID substitute teacher didn't do ANYTHING about it. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

6. I hate teaching piano lessons because then I don't get to play and the students are never as good as I want them to be, and I am a music snob.

7. I have never had a real boyfriend, and have therefore never been through a real breakup, which is a blessing in my opinion.

OK!! I now TAG
Amber
Kim
Heather
Brittany
Candra
Laura
and Jenn

Have fun!

"You don't have to be stupid to be domestic. You can be hot."

3am Utah time: Wake up and get ready to head to the airport. Nothing will process in your head until many hours later.

That was pretty much how my morning went. Heather Beck dropped me off at the airport, and we said our goodbyes. I have some thoughts on travel-via-airline, which I will share after the description of my trip.

Friday: Headed to the airport with Lance and Ryan in tow. I was thrilled beyond reason that I had said no to the Croatia trip in the first place. Why, you ask? What was my one fear? That Lance would have a girlfriend and I would be ticked the entire trip that I wasted thousands of dollars on. Ope, yep, you guessed it. I do believe he is dating a girl from our ward, and no, he did not tell me about it in any conversation. Ever. After he made me move over on the couch, like he was throwing away a stinky diaper, so he could sit next to her, well, it became apparent. Then when she stayed after to say goodbye after all of us had already left... yep. And hearing her talk about him the past week, and seeing the way he looks at her, it all came together. Thank you, buddy, for the nice invitation to your house to watch Ironman and to sit on a couch with you and your lover. So, I'm moving on!! It will be tough, but I will still be friends with my friends and try to not let anything bother me or get to me. Thank goodness for a weekend away in Kansas City to eat two big bowls of chocolate ice cream, snickers cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, my weight in cinnamon rolls, etc. Thank goodness for Heather Beck!

So, Friday night, I got in really really late and we went home and chatted and went to sleep. Yay.

Saturday: Woke up, got ready, watched the first session of conference where they announced a temple to be built in Kansas City! HB screamed so loud, the roof blew off the house and we jumped around in giddy delight. The next few minutes were filled with phone calls to/from fellow Kansas Citians, who were equally excited and emotional. Went to Target to buy tights since I forgot all mine and they MAKE the outfits I brought, ate lunch at Panera (YUMM) and then made it home for session numero duo and meeting Edward. After that, we went to the Plaza and boosted the economy by each purchasing three tops from Banana Republic. The second one is in a robin-egg blue and I'm wearing it today. I must say, actually, that these models are too skinny and don't look good in these shirts. I am curvy (I know, shocking) and actually fill them out and I think I look good. I need to feel good now so that works great for me. :)

Then, we hit up Cheesecake Factory, our new KC tradition, and got nachos, quesadillas, and snickers cheesecake. Mmmm. Went home, went to bed.

Sunday: Got ready, Katie Woods (from Heather's singles branch) came over and made us cinnamon rolls! She is a babe! We had a really random connection, too. Her cousin is the elder from Lance's mission I've heard him talk about for the past five months... and who he is currently visiting in Hungary. What the?! Crazy times. We watched the first session and ate Jolly Ranchers to pass the time. Lots and lots of Jolly Ranchers. Then, it was off to Heidi's house for dinner and playing with Heather's niece and nephew. Scarlett is absolutely beautiful, but obviously did not like me. We had a good time anyway and I adore Heidi. She is a great example of being a hot mom who is still domestic and awesome. I had grits for the first time and enjoyed ribs for the first time.

This morning is a blur because I have been up for 14 hours and it is only 5:00pm. I do, however, remember being on the plane, asking for crackers, trying to get my mind off the Lance drama, and them handing me this:

Has anyone even heard of "Lance Snacks?" You've got to be kidding me. That was like the time I was trying to get my mind off of Richard Taggart in high school, since he broke my heart on Valentine's Day, and my dad taking me to the movies to help me out. We saw Galaxy Quest. The main character's name? Taggart. Thanks, world. I listened to Leona Lewis telling me it'll all get better in time and felt better. I love her and wish I could sing like her! I miss Heather Beck and am glad to be home with family at the same time. Oh yeah, and if you have anyone you want to set up with me, please feel free. I hope they like drama.

Travel thoughts:

1. Don't put the exit/emergency door on row 13. You poor superstitious people. Dumb Delta.

2. Don't charge extra for an exit row seat and call it an upgrade. Then, when they're not filled, let people like me move to an exit row. I feel safer sitting there than having nobody who is helping with the emergency exits. Dumb United.

3. Who said it was okay again to serve peanuts on the plane? If my nephew were on that plane, you would've been hearing from me. Stupid Delta and United.

4. Don't serve Lance-brand Snacks. Dang, Delta.

5. Don't wear sailor hats. You're a FLIGHT attendant. Dang, United.

6. Don't give me a 4-hour layover in Denver. Stinkin' Travelocity.

7. Don't tell passengers they can carry-on that size of bag, and then fail to tell them they're on a commuter plane, so you'll have to check that bag planeside and bye-bye laptop. Stinkin' Delta.

8. Don't charge extra for checking luggage and then tell two scared international passengers that they will need to check their luggage again during a 1-hour layover in Frankfurt, Germany. Scary American Airlines.

9. Thank you Delta for printing off my boarding pass even at the incorrect gate, for my convenience. That was actually really nice.

10. Thank you United, for doing the same.

Weekly weigh-in

So, this is gross. Just a warning. I weighed myself this morning and was happy but not thrilled with the weight loss this week. Then... I went to the potty.... yada yada yada.... weighed myself again.... DOWN THREE POUNDS FROM LAST WEEK! That is a running total of 7 pounds. Just 13 more to go and cruise time!

That wasn't a tapeworm....

.... And we're back.....

Thank you, NBC, for a great season 5 premiere. It was well-enjoyed.







A few notes to ponder...

• Dunder Mifflin weight loss competition - this is interesting because I just started a weight loss regime to lose 20 pounds by my cruise to Mexico... which, if I accomplish, I will purchase this dress from Nordstrom for a lot of moolah and wear it on the cruise and to my company Christmas party. Today's weigh-in = Four pounds lost this week! WOHOO!!! I tried to start a mini-office weight loss thing, so it's funny that this was the episode!
• Mike and Holly... oh what an interesting season this will be! I loved the rap part. I also loved it when Michael "bought" Holly's tickets from her and gave her the idea he'd take her and then what does he do? He rips them up and offers to pay her the next day. As you can imagine, I yelled at the TV screen "Michael!! You're such a freaking idiot!!"Oh man... pretty dang funny. I love seeing them together because they're just so awkward. "I will exqueeze you"
• Stanley lost seven pounds on his own. He was always so pleasantly surprised with himself throughout the episode, and I especially loved the photograph of him as a young buck.
• Kelly really was my favorite part of the episode, though those of you who know me are thinking... um wasn't it JAM? (Jim and Pam for you novices)... well that was good too, though I have worries for the season. Kelly took the weight loss thing very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that she passes out from not eating enough and... something Creed gave her from Mexico, which nobody knows exactly what it is...
• I can also tell you right now that the wardrobe department gets Kelly and Pam's clothes from Banana Republic. How do I know this? Because I own about three shirts I've seen Pam wear and one dress Kelly wore. On this episode, she wore a dress that was the exact same style but a different pattern. "I'm gunna look amazing" - I loved when she said it this time... all weak and looking like death. Soooo freaking funny.

Okay, what were your thoughts on the premiere? Favorite quotes? I tried not to give out spoilers for certain friends who haven't watched it yet. I see where your priorities lie....

Really? An angry mushroom?

Lance says (8:57 AM):
hey goomba
Linz says (8:59 AM):
goomba? haha what is that
Lance says (8:59 AM):
it's that mushroom looking bad guy in mario brothers
Linz says (8:59 AM):
ok thank you

Really? Where did that even come from? Is that how I look? Have mirrors been lying to me for 24 (yes... I had a birthday and decided to not blog about it since my pics were gross... maybe the mirrors were lying after all) years?

.

Luckily, Wikipedia is the only source close enough to complete truth to be under review for canonization. So, I went there to find out more about my new nickname. I have highlighted the words that meant the most to me.

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Goombas, known as Kuribō (クリボー, Kuribō?) in Japanese, are depicted as brown mushroom-like (or chesnut) creatures with feet, with a bushy brow, and a pair of fangs sprouting from their lower jaw. They generally tackle, headbutt, or bite an enemy. In many of the games, they are usually quite easy to defeat, with a simple stomp they shall be squashed. The Goombas once lived in peace in the Mushroom Kingdom, but they betrayed their homeland to side with Bowser. Some Goombas act as friendly characters in the Paper Mario series, two even joining Mario on his journey. It is said in Super Paper Mario that Goombas have a long-standing fear of Koopa Troopas. Many variants of the Goomba have appeared throughout the years including Paragoombas (Patakuribō (パタクリボー, Patakuribō?)), Gloombas and Microgoombas (Mamekuribō (マメクリボー, Mamekuribō?)). Paragoombas are distinguished by their winged appearance, thus making them more versatile and mobile than typical Goombas. Gloombas are blue variants of the Goomba which live underground in recent Paper Mario games. Microgoombas are miniature, parasitic Goombas which latch themselves onto Mario, reducing his jumping ability. In Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Princess Peach, Paragoombas drop Microgoombas to attack Mario and Peach. Other types of Goombas have appeared throughout the Mario series, although these largely vary from game to game. Goombas made their first playable appearance in Mario Superstar Baseball, and again in Mario Super Sluggers, as a playable character.
In the 1989 television cartoon The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! Goombas are loyal soldiers in King Koopa's army. They often appear in costumes related to the episode's theme such as zombies or pirates. They were included in the subsequent spin-offs The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario W' live-action film, where they were originally inhabitants of Dinohattan who opposed King Koopa's rule, and were devolved into large, reptilian monsters as punishment for this disloyalty.

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Isn't that sweet? He thinks I'm loyal! and a friendly character! He says I see him through rose-colored glasses... but that can't be true. Everyone sees him how he is. He's just a sweetheart! I hope this new nickname sticks like the others have.

Top 10 TV/Movie characters girls would date

So, there's a pop culture blog (thatssofetch.com) I came across that has a top 10 list of the tv/movie characters you should date, but it was written by a guy. I loved the post and decided there should be one of the Top 10 TV/Movie Characters that a girl should date. I have crushes on every one of these characters, so enjoy!

10. Preston from Can't Hardly Wait

I have had a crush on Ethan Embry since I was little and saw him in Vegas Vacation and That Thing You Do. He is just unbelievably cute! In Can't Hardly Wait, he is completely taken by Jennifer Love-Hewitt and he is totally nerdy and unpopular... but... he is in love with her and she sees that by the end because girls like genuine guys. They just do!

9. Zack Morris from Saved By the Bell

How could we discard a character such as Zack? He hits all the points on my list. *blond hair *cute *makes me laugh *a good friend. What a stud!

8. Derek from Save the Last Dance

The reason I chose Derek is because he goes against all odds for what he wants most. In the words of Mr. Michael Jackson, it doesn't matter if you're black or white! Even with his own sister against him, he goes for the creamy-skinned dancer! And, he's so beautiful! He helps her through the pain of losing her mother and not having self-confidence in an unfamiliar neighborhood. He helps her land her dance audition, and he's there for her no matter what. Ahhhh.......





7. John Trager from Serendipity

A. Who doesn't want to be kissed in the snow in the middle of NYC? Hello! Dream come true! B. Who doesn't want a guy to believe that fate brought you together and that you shouldn't discard that? C. Who doesn't want a guy who is willing to look for you for years? And D., who doesn't want John Cusack?




6. Noah from The Notebook

AWWWWWWW! Noah is the cutest boy ever. He jumped on the ferris wheel to get Rachel McAdams to go out with him. He was of no social standing, his father was poor, and he still went for the goddess. He is a hard-worker and will stop at nothing to get the girl. He even rebuilt his dream house with her specifications. And... who doesn't love to look back on teenage romances and think... I wonder what would've happened if we hooked back up later? And... dancing in the streets? Kissing in the rain? Good grief, how can we resist you, Noah?





5. Sam Coulson from Never Been Kissed

Sam (Mr. Coulson) is the English teacher and a hidden romantic. He has a girlfriend with great legs, but he breaks up with her for the awkward spunky girl! Sorry to all the girls with great legs... hope I didn't just offend you.... but lucky us awkward-looking ones! He gives Josie Gellar her first kiss, in the middle of a baseball diamond, with hundreds of onlookers! He dances with her and tells her how amazing she is, which is wonderful because she's a total loser. This is my favorite movie of all time, and can you blame me? Look at him! Mmm Michael Vartan!





4. Hitch from Hitch


A good dresser who is not metrosexual is always a plus! Will Smith pretty much looks great in everything from a tanktop on Independence Day to a suit in Men in Black to every piece of clothing in Hitch. He helps guys get the girls of their dreams, and gets his own! He tells her she's pretty, asks her out on a fantastic date, and even shows her an ancestor's signature at Ellis Island! He strikes up a conversation with her with no pretense and is just.... hot. Eva Mendes was one lucky woman in that movie. Did I mention he's black? Let me catch my breath.



3. Pete from Win a Date with Tad Hamilton

Pete is the all-around good guy. He is a manager at a Piggly Wiggly. I mean, how cute and humble is that? He reads Modern Grocer, sings Barry White to his dog, and is completely in love with his best galpal. When she is swept off her feet by a hunnnnnnnk, he is hurt and jealous and tells Tad to be careful and tells him about the six smiles! Awwww!! All you girls who have seen this movie are swooning right now... I know it. He goes to chick flicks even though he hates them, but at least he gets to be with his girl. Once again, he gets her in the end because she goes for the genuine good guy. Ohhh man Pete, you are adorrrrable.



2. Matt from 13 Going on 30

The entire movie, you can tell how in love Matt is with Jenna. Even as kids, he is crazy about her and makes a Jenna Dream House. He knows all her favorite things and makes sure to include them in the house. Matt even put himself in the house... then wrote her a song for her 13th birthday. He is all excited when he thinks she wants to kiss him (poor guy) and then is totally shut down but doesn't get offended... just tries to cheer her up. Then, after years of rejection and heartache, he gets to see her again. He loves going on walks with her, working with her and photographing her... he gives her a flower on the set and then can't stop staring at her when they are looking at the proofs. I mean... it is SERIOUSLY the little things that count, guys. Then he kisses her at the playground, even though they're 30. He even helps her find out what's going on even when he thinks she's crazy. Oh my goodness Matt, you can teach me the Thriller dance ANY DAY! Especially if you wear that red button-up shirt in the walk scene. Holy moly.



Last but not least... My numero uno... the number one guy will not surprise those of you who know me even a little... the number one TV/Movie Character I would date is.....

1. Jim Halpert from The Office

Where to start? Honestly? Season one, the Pilot episode? I could list something I love about Jim from every episode of the show. Jim is my dream guy. He is tall, hilarious, a tease, and he is always getting Dwight's goat, as they say.... like in this gem:

Jim also loves Pam and is totally heartbroken when she tells him she can't be with him. He is so sweet to her and is always having fun with her. They are best friends and have the best time together. He lit up when she fell asleep on his shoulder. He teases others just to make Pam laugh. Jim is an all-around cutie pie and will always hold a special place in my heart. I do realize that I sound pathetic. I guess it's like vampire-fans' obsession with Edward. I just am more into the human race. That's just me. Also, check out how nice he is even to people he thinks are stupid. He got up and sang with Michael at the karaoke party. I am hooked.