The Cuddler Riddler

My weekend is basically one big question mark, as appropriately shown on the Riddler's costume.  He kind-of reminds me of the Cuddler, too, actually... The hair, the glasses, the skinny fingers...

Saturday night, I got a text from my friend Ryan inviting me to come to a Hunger Games: Catching Fire movie night at our friend Ellis's new place.  Ellis used to be in our ward, but moved across the street into another stake/ward/life.  If you watch Parks and Rec, Deer Haven is Pawnee. Pioneer is Eagleton.  I live in Deer Haven, but have a lot of Leslie Knope Pawnee pride.  Ellis moved into Pioneer.  Traitor.  Snob.

I used to have a crush on Ryan, so I was a little taken aback by this.  When I first moved in, I was smitten.  He is tall, dark, and handsome (like 6'7" I think).  He is my next door neighbor.  I tripped in heels and fell on my butt right in front of him one of my first weeks here.  I knew it was true love.

Then, I got to know him and the crush quickly diminished.  Suddenly, I realized, he only talked to me in Star Wars quotes.  Next, please.

So I responded to Ryan that I was tired and had a long day, blah blah blah, would it be worth it...  to which he responded "worth it."

I figured he must have really wanted me there, so I decided to go.  "Save me a seat."

When I got there, I was the only girl.  Matt, Kenny, Jared, and Ellis were on the wrap-around couch.  Ryan was on a love sac by himself.  Beside him was another love sac, totally empty.  Plus, he was in the middle of his, so I would have had to ask him to move over if I wanted to sit with him.  Too awkward, and I didn't want to let Ryan think this was some sort of cuddlefest night.  So, I sat on the empty love sac.  Another girl came later and sat on the couch with the rest of the boys.

About an hour later, I heard someone making comments behind the couch.  I turned and saw a guy, very nerdy-hipster looking, with glasses and tallish hair, standing there alone.  I figured he must be Ellis's roommate.  I said, "Hey dude, you can come sit down.  We have lots of space down here."  Mysterious stranger replied "No, if I sit, then I have to watch the whole movie."  "Okay, whatever dude."

60 seconds later, I let out a huge scream as mysterious stranger's body flung over my head and onto the love sac right next to me.  He had jumped over me entirely.  I said, "DUDE!  If you had kicked me in the face, that would have been... hilarious."  He said, "One time, I went to put my arm around my girlfriend, and I broke her glasses with my elbow."  Ouch.

Mysterious stranger then turned into mysterious cuddler.  I am NOT a cuddler.  I hate the word "cuddle" or "snuggle" or "tickle" (shudder) - unless, you know, I really like the guy, or something.  I was not prepared for the evening to take a dramatic turn.

During one scary scene, he put his hand on my leg.  He moved closer to me.  He pushed his leg against mine.  During another scene, he took my arm in his.  He was so smooth about it, acting scared.  I was dumbfounded as this has never happened to me before with a complete stranger.  He was either really gutsy or really psycho.  So, I decided that if he tried to actually hold my hand, I would straight-up tell him "Hey, man, I don't know you..." and take my hand away... but thankfully, he just stuck to what he was already doing.  I knew, of course, that Ryan could see this happening - that Matt, Kenny, Mary, Jared, and Ellis could see it.  It was, in a word, a.w.k.w.a.r.d.

Finally, when the movie ended, The Cuddler got up and left without a word.  I took my time getting up, as I was still in a bit of a daze, and realized that Ryan and Matt, who live by me, had already left without me and were making me walk home in the dark by myself.  Turds.

I caught up to them down the road and said with a laugh, "Hey, thanks for waiting for me, guys!"  Ryan said, "Well we didn't know..." and Matt said, "We thought you were maybe staying the night or something."  WHOA, WHAT?!  I know they were joking... but I was super uncomfortable, so I played it off as if it were nothing - which it absolutely was - and said, "Oh yeah, me and Ellis... you know us."  Hopefully that let them see that whatever just happened with Ellis's roommate was nothing, and Ryan walked me home.

I'm sure The Cuddler thought he would never see me again.

He was wrong.

Sunday night, our ward combined with another for Ward Prayer for the first time ever.  I told my friend Krystal about The Cuddler on the way there.  We sat down, and guess what ward I found out we were with.  Pioneer.  Seconds later, in walked Ellis and The Cuddler.  They sat right in front of us and The Cuddler turned to me with surprised eyes.  I said, "Hey, are you my friend from the love sac last night?"  "Yes I am."  "What's your name?"  "Travis.  What's yours?"  "Lindsey."  "Well it's nice to meet you, Lindsey."  "yes..."

Can I just say I'm glad I'm not engaging in sexual activities outside of marriage?  The day-after-the-pseudo-cuddle-night was awkward enough.

Krystal and I booked it out of there afterward.

2014

Today's realization:
"Hmm I sure wish all my friends and family would update their blogs - what are they thinking?  Wait, I think I might have a blog somewhere on the interwebs too... Oh yeah!  Maybe if I update, so will they."

A lot happened since the last post, so in true Lindsey fashion, you get a bulletpoint list!

• I did go out with "Elton" and it was 45 minutes long because he had to go to choir practice and I let him.  It took us weeks to finally go out, anyway, and I wasn't looking forward to it anymore.
• I got asked out by four guys in this timeframe.  When it rains, it pours.
• One was just a friendly dinner because we're good friends.  Nothing there.
• One was more like a joke because I accused him of never having real conversations and only banter and I guess he was showing me he could be more by asking me out on the spot.  I'm glad we didn't even end up going on that date, as he is now exclusively dating my friend.
• One was Elton.
• And the last one is a dear boy who we will refer to as "Jekyll" - and I also was simultaneously dating the same boy (yet completely different) who we will refer to as "Hyde"...
• J&H, for short, was as forward as they come.  Within the first two minutes of our meeting at a ward activity, he told me he would marry me.  Two hours later (and after the rest of the ward had been home for 1.5 hours), sweet Jekyll started dancing with me in the church parking lot.  Jekyll came over another night and played my piano while he sang to me and inserted my name in rap songs.  Jekyll made me dinner one Sunday night and then invited himself to come to my cousin Tabitha's birthday dinner that night.  He met Oma, Tom, Chris, the crew - schmoozed up to them like crazy - played Johnny Cash for Tom on the guitar, recorded a guitar duet with cousin Ben, and asked me how to say "Guten Nacht" to Oma.  He played with the babies Vera and Kinsley and that was the first time I genuinely liked him back.
• Jekyll told me he wanted me for Christmas.
• Jekyll sent me a song he is writing about being with ... me(?)
• Jekyll asked if we could hang out one night after seeing me in the temple.  He needed a ride somewhere.  In the car, suddenly, Hyde appeared.  Hyde told me about the three hours/day at the gym and protein shakes he was obsessing with and told me to do positive affirmations in the mirror every morning (Stuart Smalley, anyone?  I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it - people like me!), then proceeded to tell me about the girls on Tinder (look it up - yikes) and at the gym, the girls at work, etc.  Hyde wasn't interested in me.  He asked me about my dating history and when was the last time I made out with someone... which I didn't answer because that's ridiculous.  I was crazy confused.  Then I remembered him telling me that he went through a nutso time before he joined the church where he had a string of terrible experiences and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I thought it was related just to that time in his life.  I was wrong and feel quite silly about that now.
• J&H continued to show both sides for a couple weeks of this.  Jekyll came close to kissing me one night, though I wasn't keen on that and didn't let him think I was.  Then Hyde told me to clean the kitchen after Jekyll made me dinner.
• Jekyll took me out the next night, and on the way back in the car, Hyde brought up Tinder and asked if he should date in the ward.  I finally lost it and said "You know, when you're trying to date a girl, don't talk about other girls with her."  Jekyll apologized profusely and realized how rude he was being, then told me how special I am...
• Jekyll told me he loves me.
• Hyde perked up and essentially told me he doesn't 3 minutes later - that I must have been led on, and I ended everything with both of them another 3 minutes after that.  It was pretty sad, because Jekyll was really hurt, and maybe still is.  It has been two months now since then, and he still looks down.  He left me a voicemail the other day thanking me for my friendship.  Breaks my heart, but... he'll find someone who is suited for him.  Sweet Jekyll.  I'll continue being his friend.
  
• I spent Thanksgiving in Pullman with my parents and Heather.  We had a blast!  We even stayed one night in Spokane because the roads iced over and we couldn't drive back.  Hello, Hilton!
• I started reading (yes, me, Lindsey) fan fiction!  The Hunger Games.  I'm LOVING it and even stay up late reading! Gasp!
• Christmas was amazing.  My parents came and Heather got surprise permission from her boss to also come, when we thought for months that she wouldn't be able to!  Spencer and Caitlyn were visiting, too.  I bought a Bosch mixer.  My life is really coming together.
• The New Year brought some good resolutions and I joined a gym.  I even went faithfully until an exciting case of bronchitis hit me so hard, I haven't had much energy in weeks.  
• Teenage Lindsey resurfaced one night last week when I got up on stage at a piano bar karaoke night and sang "Say Something" with my ward friend Jed who works as a pianist/singer there and begged me to (even pulling me up there).  The teenage Lindsey part refers to the swooning I did.  I see a gorgeous guy who plays and sings on stage and who looks at me with "wow" eyes, and I can't help it.  He said "Um, we sound really good together."  Yes, yes we do.  She thankfully is now tucked back into the THS choir room circa 2002 and adult (ish), real-life Lindsey is back.  Here is a picture of us performing:
  
• I'm looking forward to February.  I am going to Florida to visit HJolley and we're doing a game night dinner with a guy she has been wanting to set up with me.  Then, ALL the Andersens are coming to town!  We are taking advantage of the time Ryan and Marissa will be here for Marissa's sister's wedding, so everyone's coming.  So excited.  Erin is getting baptized here!
• You should all totally update your blogs.  I love you all.

Not How I Envisioned the Conversation to Go...

Note: To protect the innocent, names have been changed.  Also, I am by no means comparing this girl to Tai's character.

Conversation #1 - Me and Tai

Me: What's up with you and Elton lately?

Tai: So Elton has been really flirty lately - like picking me up and dropping me on a couch, making me oatmeal every day for breakfast this week.  Every day!  He hasn't asked me out in a while, but this is major flirting.  I just don't get it.

Me: Um, every day this week?  Picking you up?  Yeah, he's definitely interested.

Tai: Well he also got another girl's number right in front of me a couple weeks ago.

Me: What??  He is crazy.  He needs to settle down.  Elton is ridiculous.

Tai: Yeah, I don't get it.

Me: Well, I'm pretty good friends with him.  I'll just ask him straight up what his deal is.  You cool with that?

Tai: Yes, go ahead, as long as you can bring it up smoothly.  I'd love to hear this.


Conversation #2 - Me and Elton

Elton: So I don't mean to be gossipy, but is Amber dating Travis?  He has his arm around her.

Me: No, no, no.  Travis is just really friendly like that.  (Travis just took me to dinner last week - he's just that way)

Elton: Is Amber dating anyone?

Me: Nope.

Elton: I don't get that.  I mean I took her out months ago, and it just wasn't going to work out, but I wouldn't mind asking her out again.

Me: What about you and Tai?  What's going on there?

Elton: What do you mean?

Me: Sometimes I sense that something is there...

Elton: Are you asking for yourself or someone else?

Me: Just me.  Nobody else has brought it up.

Elton: Um, I liked her, I took her out a while ago, but we're just friends.  We talk about other dates.  We're oatmeal buddies.

Me: I did hear about the oatmeal.

Elton: Yeah, we're just friends, though.  There are a few girls in the ward I'd like to ask out.

Me: Like who?

Elton: Dionne is cute.  I don't know.  I would ask out Amber again, maybe.

Me: Cool, yeah, cute girls!

(Some time goes by while we are paying attention to other things)

Elton: There's actually one other girl I know I'd have fun with...

Me: Yeah, who?

Elton:  (turns away shyly, huge grin, turns back) ... Lindsey.

I shoved him.

Elton: Seriously, I've been wanting to ask you out for a while now.  What do you think?

Me: Sure, that'd be fun.

Elton: OK!  I will plan it, I will pay for it, and it will be paired off.

Me: Sooooo, a real date.  Gotcha.

Wait, what?!  This was supposed to be the "find out what Elton thinks about Tai" conversation... how did I end up with a date invite?!  And honestly, what kind of girl would I be if I called up Tai and said, "Hey!! I talked to Elton for you!  He's not interested in you, but he did ask ME out."  WHAT?!  I'm not that girl, and Elton and I are just friends, and Tai is freaking phenomenal, so... she was a champ about it and laughed with me a lot while I told her the story.  She told me that she didn't think she was interested, which is why she wanted to find out if he was, so she could know how to act.  What a situation.  I actually doubt our date will happen.  He is the most ridiculous flirty spaz ever.  He is super talented, brilliant, and kind, though.  He has told me multiple times how beautiful I am, or just a text saying I'm cute, but because he's Elton, I have never thought twice about it.  He's just that way.  He even was flirting with Dionne the same night he asked me out.  So, don't get too excited.  We are just good friends!

A Beautiful Mind

Okay, confession time.

I have some pretty abnormal, ridiculous, and irrational fears.  The movie "A Beautiful Mind" freaked me out.  It was, however, Russell Crowe's best work.  "THIS I SWEAR BY THE STARRRS!"  (shudder)  -

I recently watched it again, by myself, in the dark.  That was dumb.

What if....

1. I have Schizophrenia and don't know it, because I only remember this side of myself?

2. Down the road, someone enters my life, and I later find out that I made up the whole thing???

3. I am actually a little mentally handicapped and everyone is too nice to tell me - and everyone feels sorry for me?

4. I go crazy later in life and do horrible things without knowing it?

5. I think about this so much and end up giving myself these problems psychosomatically?


My mom reminded me that I wouldn't have a steady job if any of these happened to be true, and that someone would have at least made a comment to their validity already in my life.  She is the best.

I also have a fear of rubber bands snapping and balloons that could pop near me.  Like crazy fear.  Like - crazy.  See?  I could be CRAZY!

So, I just want to know - what are some things you are afraid of that others may think are silly?

Spiders are a given.

Go.

Tribute to Holland

Holla-girl, I miss you.  Thank you for all the laughs.  I am sharing some of my favorite photos of you.  I will always treasure our time together.  My favorite face you made was when you would get so excited about something, you would open your mouth as wide as you could and basically shake with excitement (see the pic with the toy gun).  It is the funniest thing.  I am grateful for the Plan of Salvation and the knowledge that families are forever.  Your sweet parents will hold you in their arms again.  You are free from the bodily pain you experienced for the past 14-15 months.  You will continue to do great things.  Love you, love you, love you!

Therapeutic Thursday

I felt like I hadn't had much to blog about recently, so I've been struggling to come up with a post.  Now I can't stop typing!  I will give you a quick run-down, then share a therapeutic embarrassing moment to at least get some laughs going since this blog has been so dormant.

1. My nephews Sam and Ben came to Utah for most of July.  They stayed with their other grandparents and I got to see them a few times.  We went to Despicable Me 2, Nickel City, and Oma's.  I was actually surprised when I offered to buy ice cream or Del Taco and they were like, "Nah, we're good."  What kid turns those down?  Skinny kids, I guess.  Interesting.

2. My sinuses decided they HATE me and created a very unpleasant quality of living for the past couple weeks.  The infection was way overly dramatic, and I think my sinuses need to grow up and stop throwing these tantrums.  That Amoxicillin showed 'em.  It was really a gross and miserable time for me.  Very traumatic.

3. I started giving plasma for some extra cash.  The first time was less than wonderful.  They had to keep moving the needle because my vein needs to grow up and stop throwing these tantrums.  We only pick on the right arm now.  I even started to pass out that first time and they had to rush over with a capri sun (cherry-flavored... why does God hate me?) and an ice pack.  Those of you who have ever met me even once know how much I am always hot and wanting to move to the Arctic Circle (yummm Arctic Circle shakes... mmm).  Well, when I give plasma, I am the only one in the room who is shivering so violently, people stare.  I started bringing an afghan.  People stare at that too.  It's awesome.  The money is awesome!!  My sinuses have caused me financial stress since I can't give plasma with an infection and while on antibiotics.  Next week, however, I'm looking forward to some serious blood money.

4. My brother and his lovely wife surprised me with a visit this week!  We have been hanging out with her family (since I'm the only Andersen left in Utah - Heather moved to Moscow, Idaho by my parents).  I love her family, and it has been an awesome few days.  We went to Happy Sumo for dinner the first night.  Seaweed triggers my gag reflex.  If you've had sushi with me (aka Andj and my family), you have seen me throw up.  Sorry.  I planned to get a tempura plate, but the special rolls were 1/2 price... so I asked the waitress if there were any rolls without seaweed.  She said no, but that they could wrap it in "soy paper" instead.  Wow, sounds amazingly scrumptious.  I'll have that.  Well, I did, and guess what, world - you win.  I LOVED IT!!!  I am SO cultured now.  I could do sushi like that ANY TIME.  I ordered a second roll.  It was... a... great night.  We then went to a movie and Yogurtland and talked.  I love family!  The second night, we had a BBQ at her parents' house and it was bomb dot com.  I even liked the ribs.  I know.... my palate is really growing up (take a tip, sinuses and veins).

5. While at the BBQ, I got a call from cousin Mike (living at and taking care of the yellow house with his lovely wife Heather [yeah I'm surrounded by Heathers]).  He said, "Hey your nephew is here."  I figured Sam must have wandered over to the house from his grandparents' (they live on our block), so I said, "Oh, okay..." then remembered he and Ben went home last week... "wait... what???"  Apparently, nobody mentioned ETHAN was visiting from Boston!  He was staying with his grandparents who also live on our block.  I know - Spencer really branched out when he married a girl who lived 5-10 miles away in exotic Provo.  So, we headed to the yellow house to say hi.  We teased/asked him about his girly-girl Grace for probably 10 minutes and had fun while he played Zelda and occasionally answered our questions.  Ah, adolescence.  Love that kid.

6. I am the choir director and chorister in my ward.  Not the first time - and I'm positive it won't be the last.

OK, now that you're up-to-date on my life whether you wanted to be or not, I will share an embarrassing story from my college days.  I think it is so great to laugh at ourselves.  I might make Therapeutic Thursdays a tradition.  We'll see.  I'm about as good at keeping up a blog as I am at getting Star Wars references.

So, when I lived in the Colony (circa January 2005), BYU campus was a frozen tundra.  You watched people fall on their butts every single day on campus.  I even joined them a time or two.  I don't know if you know this, but I'm pretty good at not falling down ever.  I am not clumsy at all.  Wait... nope.

I was walking home from school with extreme caution and with a major cold, when I noticed an attractive, strapping lad walking behind me.  Basically my thought process was, "Oh he's cute.  Don't slip.  Don't slip.  Don't slip.  Don't slip.  Don't slip.  Whoaaaa that was close.... don't slip!"  Well, I did.

That's not even the embarrassing part.  I actually caught myself before I fell!  SUCCESS!  I knew how stupid I looked, though, and realized I had to ease the tension by making a joke about it to this attractive boy.  "Man, it sure is... slick.... these days."  Eating out of the palm or your hand, Linz.  How are you not married?

That's not even the embarrassing part, either.  He laughed.  A lot.  Then, he ran to catch up with me and talk the rest of the way.  SO cute.  We made small talk and got to know each other a bit.  He lived in Santa Barbara Condos.  He was so cute.  Man.

I was looking straight forward when he cracked a joke and turned to gauge my reaction.

I laughed so hard, my cold decided I had had enough fun for one day, and a huge snot bubble popped out my nose.  I knew he was looking right at my face.

I sniffed it back in and kept talking like nothing happened.  I was mortified.  He took off for Santa Barbara.

The end.

One of THOSE days

This post is the exact opposite of my last post.

I am not one for complaining on my blog, unless it involves a funny story like the enchilada massacre.

Well, do you ever have one of those days where you think that the only thing you can/want to do is curl up in a ball and close your eyes and generally stop existing?

I'm not suicidal.

But today comes close.

1. I am dog-sitting in Orem and packed a suitcase yesterday.  I work at the temple RIGHT after work today, so I packed my black skirt for today's outfit.  Said skirt apparently has a huge run up the butt, and wouldn't be really noticeable with a black slip underneath.  I forgot that slip.

2. I opted for pants and will have to leave work early to change in time for my temple shift.

3. Girl stuff - sorry male readers.

4. I feel like there is a torpedo in my stomach.

5. I broke out in zits and a cold sore.

6. My allergy shots have worn off and my eyes burn and my nose runs.

7. I'm tired.

8.  Poli REFUSED to poop because the grass was wet.

9.  He will probably poop in the house before I can let him out again.

10. I have to leave work even earlier so I can make sure to let him out before we have an enchilada-massacre-all-over-the-carpet-like accident.

11. Since the sprinklers were on in the backyard, I took Poli on a leash into the front yard to see if he would go there.  He didn't.

12. However, I did come across a giant ant infestation covering the entire width of our front porch.

13. I poured the rest of my mom's Costco-sized bag of baking soda over the ants and now have to reimburse her when she comes to town.

14. I didn't have time to eat breakfast.

15. I got stuck in traffic.

16. I forgot my watch and earrings.

17. I'm at work.

18. It's only 8:42am.