Electrolysis. The beginning of the rest of my life.

You guys.

YOU GUYS!

Female facial hair is an issue for some of us.  I could go into a paragraph about how I'm being really vulnerable here and opening up and I would appreciate your support, but really I'm just going to say this instead: We all have hair.  I'm removing mine.  The end.  Also, nobody reads this anymore but my female friends and family.  And you have known my struggles.

When I was a teenager and hormonal facial hair started coming in, my mom and I looked into Laser Hair Removal and Electrolysis.  Electrolysis seemed like the seedy-back-room-practice of a former felon in a tattoo parlor, and scared us to death.  There was like ONE location that did it back then, and it was in those sketchy buildings behind the Sizzler in Orem.  No. Thank. You.  Laser was like the caviar of hair removal and all the rich/beautiful people were getting it done.  So, I set up an appointment in American Fork for a consultation.  I felt like a pampered kitten.  Maybe Princess Di would be there.

They took one look at my face and said, "Sorry, laser targets pigment, and your hair is too light.  Have a nice day."  I begged them to reconsider.  They said we could "try dyeing it" - but they said it still wouldn't work.  I pointed out the dark hairs.  "SEEEEE???!!!!"  and they responded "those are still reddish.  We need DARK hair."  I grabbed the laser machine and went on a rampage through the office.  No, I got in my car feeling very dejected, and drove home.

When I had my first kiss at 21, I knew I really needed to do something other than "trimming" my chin hair.  I started tweezing it.  It hurt at first, but I grew accustomed to it, and now hardly feel a thing when I tweeze.  After 10 years of plucking, the hair has gotten worse and worse and worse, to a point now where I'm spending 45 minutes or so A DAY taking care of it.  If I even let one day go, I look like I belong in the circus.  Guys.  It's bad.

Liz Lemon refers to her "growth" as Tom - as in Tom Selleck.  I appreciate her so much.  Thank you, 30 Rock, for making me feel normal!

SOOOOOO fast forward to 2016.  I started researching more about Electrolysis.  It is actually the ONLY FDA-approved method for PERMANENT hair removal - not even LASER can boast that.  I decided to reconsider the seedy-back-room idea, and look into who's offering this in Utah County.  There are many places offering it - many videos online showing how medically safe and careful the electrologists are, and other comforting information. I found the CUTEST girl named Megan.  She had great reviews.  I called her up!

She is booked through October.

So, she referred me to the lady who did her electrolysis as a teenager and is awesome... You guessed it.  The sketch location behind Sizzler. I called up Kim, and she got me in for a consultation for today.

It took me five minutes of walking around a WIG SHOP to find the location.  I am so glad there are options for cancer patients to find quality wigs locally, but a room full of mannequin heads staring at you when you know a needle is about to be inserted in your face is, for some reason, a bit unsettling.  Again, nothing against this shop.  I think it's wonderful.

The electrolysis place is literally - LITERALLY - in the BACK ROOM of this wig shop.  It is everything I thought it would be as a teenager.  One room with no windows, a chair, and a needle.  "You got this, Linz.  You aren't going to pass out.  You got this."

This is how it felt, only not so spacious:

My electrologist was way nice and we laughed about how scared I was.  She told me how her friend came in to have her pits done, and it took 10 minutes of physical fighting before she was allowed to proceed.  You just don't really know what to expect.  They're inserting a probe (needle) in your hair follicle (pore), then literally applying insane heat and electric current to create lye, kill the hair, and release it from the blood supply.  Then, they pull out the hair with tweezers and move on to the next one.  You need several treatments since your hair goes through phases, and this whole thing will take a year or longer of weekly to monthly treatments of 20-30 minutes each.  BUT IT'LL BE WORTH IT FOR ME!

She had me lie down, she turned on the spotlight, and we got to work.

My thoughts went like this.  Ahem, attention, please:

"YOU'RE OK LINZ YOU'RE OK YOU WON'T PASS OUT YOU'RE OK THIS IS OK YOU'RE OK"
"Oh, she finished one already?  That was nothing!  I could sleep through this!  Hallelujah!"
(Electrologist: Hmm that didn't work.  I'm going to turn it up.)
"What?  Ok.... that's ok.  Be a winner.  Be brave."
"Oh, still nothing.  Totally fine.  This is great."
(Electrologist: OK, still not working.  Turning it up more.)
"Ok, yeah, I can feel that nowwwwwOWWW that's really hot!"
(Electrologist: Ah!  There we go.)
"Oh man, yep, feeling it now.  But it's over in seconds.  We're good."
"Oh ouch that one really..."
"OH SON OF A"
"$%#@@*&;"
"Anyone who swears out loud during this is automatically forgiven.  This is for REAL."
"Good thing my curses are only in my heaadddDDDDDDANGIT THAT HURTS"
"God hears my thoughts... He totally knows what I just thoughttttttttttttttTTTTTTT #$@$@#$"
"ARE WE DONE YET"
"I AM A WARRIOR!"
"#$@#$@#"

Things I said out loud:

"Yeah, I felt the heat on that one."
"You know?  It isn't so bad.  It's just a couple seconds, and then it's over. It's very localized pain.  Very handle-able."
"Yeah, yank those guys out.  I want them GONE.  Do WHATEVER you need to do."
"MMMMMMMMmmmmmmm yepppppppp gahhhhhhhh" when she tried one on my upper lip, warning me it hurts a little more than the chin.

Then, we were done with session one, and I felt so great.  I am totally committed and ready to make this a priority!

I exited that place feeling like a freaking goddess of power and courage and strength.  And hairlessness. I was on the BIGGEST HIGH for a straight hour, at least.  I shall now refer to myself as Warrior White Beyonce.

You can get Lidocaine to numb your skin before treatments, but would Warrior White Beyonce need it?  

I included a before and after for you guys.  I feel like I could conquer the whole world.

Tilda Swinton, Buster Bluth, and Me

"My eye won't stop watering," I said to Elsie as we checked out "Chalk the Block" at the Riverwoods last Tuesday night.

"I can't come into work today.  I have pinkeye!" I said to Tracy on the phone Wednesday morning as I woke up crusted over.

"You're exactly what I'm looking for in a husband and have the perfect build for me.  Marry me," I said thought to myself as Dr. Hoyt examined my eye Wednesday morning.

"I don't think it's pinkeye, but take some antibiotic drops and see the ophthalmologist if it doesn't improve," said Dr. Future Husband after the examination where he was dangerously close to my face/lips.

"I had that once.  I tried an antibiotic drop for several weeks that did nothing, then I went back to my doctor.  He gave me a stronger antibiotic which cost a lot, but it cleared up right away," said Pres. Patterson Sunday morning during my temple recommend interview.

"I'm sorry you guys have to look at me today.  I tried to fly under the radar since this is the first time since I was 13 that I haven't worn makeup to church, but then they asked me to lead the music in Sacrament Meeting AND substitute teach Sunday School," I said to my class hiding below a halo of golden hair I hoped would draw the eye instead.

"I had that once.  I couldn't wear makeup for SIX MONTHS!" said Tacy at church.

"I NEED AN APPOINTMENT ASAP WITH AN OPHTHALMOLOGIST PLEASE!!!!" I kindly stated on the phone with Dr. Nelson's office Monday morning when they opened.

"Does this hurt?" asked Dr. Nelson as he pressed on the inside corner of my eye and my face erupted like Mount St. Freaking Helens this morning.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh" I said back.

"Are you sure you want to purchase these meds?  They are $90," said the pharmacy tech this afternoon.

"YES"

This is my life.  I wear no makeup, my eye is swollen and red and just drips green or clear tears all day long, and I feel like Buster Bluth when he knows how people see his hook/hand.

Tilda Swinton has some extreme features, but she is who I picture when I see myself in the mirror these days:

I know you're trying to make a statement, TSwin, but we get it.  You think you're hot without makeup.  But for heaven's sake, put on some mascara.  You look SO much better with it.  You do have your own beauty, though, for sure.

I'm just a big fan of mascara.

See exhibit A:

The real me... ok... it's a little old:

Independence Day Vacation

It's kind of like "Christmas Vacation" the movie - only during the Summer, and a little more... Patriotic.  

You all know how much I love my family and visiting them.  Aunt Chris (bless her heart) agreed to come with me to drive to Pullman for the holiday weekend!  We saw this alpaca on the way up, and I had to get a pic.

Heather, Chris, my mom, my dad, and I got to go to movies, eat BBQ, chill at home, watch Brooklyn Nine Nine reruns, and enjoy each other's company.  Gosh dangit.  My mom is the best cook.  You heard me.  I cannot hide it any longer.

We saw "Inside Out" - ummm let me tell you something.  After a year of therapy for my mind deciding to hold a coup against me, this movie hit waaaaaay too close to home.  Have you seen it? GO NOW.  I sobbed and sobbed.  Then the movie ended, and I sobbed for another 1/2 hour.

SO GOOD and easy to relate to.  There were some even bigger themes I noticed that kids won't understand.  It was seriously wonderful.

We also saw Terminator.  A few less tears for this one, thankfully - though I didn't know what to expect since I also cried in the last one - "Terminator Salvation" - twice.

As ALWAYS happens when I get with my sis, we giggled until we cried. Wow - I'm sensing a theme here - maybe I should bring up my bawling habit in therapy... I am including pics of that laugh sesh here, as well as some other joys from the trip: 

BUT THE BIGGEST NEWS FROM THE WEEK WAS THAT SPENCER AND CAITLYN HAD THEIR BABY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELCOME TO THE WORLD, EDEN ADAIR ANDERSEN!!!!!! 7/5/15!!!!!!!

I AM BLOWN AWAY BY HOW BEAUTIFUL AND SWEET SHE IS!!!  CAN'T WAIT TO HOLD HER AND KISS THOSE CHEEKS!

CONGRATULATIONS, SPENCELYN!!  LOVE YOU GUYS!

I dreamed a dream...

Move over, Belle... there's a new fairy tale in the land, and it came true for me.  (PS, how creepy is the wardrobe's face in this shot?)

This week, I had one of my absolute favorite dates of my life.

To protect him and spare an uprising of rumors or thoughts that this was more than it actually was (two friends having a great time together), I won't tell you who I went out with.  I'll just tell you the story.

First of all, I had an AWESOME Easter weekend.  My parents and sister came to town!!  My mom, Heather, and I got to do a session in the SLC Temple (dream one) while my dad worked Friday evening.  It was so beautiful and amazing.  I could feel the power of that place the second I walked in.  So much history to that Temple.  It was simply remarkable.

I also had a bit of a breakthrough on my anxiety last week, which put me in such a great mood and made me sincerely full of gratitude.  These peaceful feelings were heightened in the Temple (dream two).  Heather stayed with me and we sure have missed each other.  It was great to just hang out and sleep in!

Saturday, we got to go to the afternoon session of General Conference.  I had been praying for a specific request, and I was answered in the first talk (dream three).  My family all looked over at me knowing this was exactly what I needed to hear.  It was beautiful.  I had a firm witness that God is mindful of me and loves me.  He is watching over us.  All of us.  I thought I wouldn't stop weeping all day.  Wonderful.

After conference, we met up with Strangfeld cousins and Oma for a German dinner at our favorite SLC delicatessen - Siegfried's (dream four)! 

I remember how much I craved this restaurant when we were in Germany and I couldn't find a regular bratwurst ANYWHERE.

After dinner, we got to go spend the rest of the day in Syracuse with Karl and Cherie's family.  We stayed there for the night, and my dad and Heather left the next morning to go back to Pullman.  My mom got to stay a few more days (dream five).  

Easter Sunday was awesome.  We watched (napped through - oops) conference and got to hang out with Bryan/Carli/Nicole's kids.  So much fun.  We helped them hunt for their Easter eggs and had a blast.  That evening, I noticed I missed a phone call from my ward friend and "celebrity crush" as I like to refer to him (like the unattainable gorgeous guy you just look at, but can't ever actually get close to and don't even let yourself crush on him for real because he's SO out of your league).  I called him back, no answer.  He called back again later.  I didn't expect what happened next. Just like all those facebook videos - "You'll never believe what happened next"

Celebcrush told me he was wondering if I'd like to go with him to see Les Miserables at the Hale Center Theater the next day.  He knows how much I love that play, and decided I would be a fun date.  I was totally cool and played off my excitement/disbelief completely calm.  At least I thought so.  I do recall him chuckling when I said, "I'D LOVE TO!!!!" - so maybe I wasn't as collected as I thought.  I asked him if I should dress up, and he mentioned I should probably dress up in costume.  I told him I'd come in my best prostitute/Fantine outfit.  I ran inside and yelled at everyone that I was going to see Les Mis the next day with undoubtedly the hottest guy I'd ever been on a date with (dream six).

Celebcrush and I always have a blast together.  He often texts me to make sure I'll be at an activity before he decides if he'll go.  He is super musical and talented, so we have fun just jamming together, though I pretty much hate the jealousy I feel when he sits down at a piano and rocks the heck out of it.

Monday came, and he picked me up that evening in his fancy car of his (name the movie).  OH my word.  Best night. ever.

He knows all the words like I do, so we just spent the whole time singing to each other and critiquing the actors.  Because it's Les Mis, and you just have to, we even got all cuddly.  He put his arm around me at one point.  He jokingly rubbed my hand with his at another.  There was a lot of silly laughter and he let me hold his arm all through "On My Own".  He gave me his jacket when I got cold.  He got me a drink at intermission, then we stood on the stage and pretended we were in the play for a bit.  He's a dream.  I dreamed a dream.

After the wonderful performance, he asked if we could go get ice cream.  I said no.  JK.  Ice cream is my favorite food.  Ice cream with Celebcrush?  Dream.

We went to Yogurtland and talked and laughed for an hour or so.  So fun.  So great.  He took me home, and gave me a hug outside his car.  I thanked him a million times and we remarked on how much fun the night was.  Fairy tale.

So, before you get all excited, I will say this - we really are just friends.  He asked me because he knew what a great time we'd have, and he was right.  He had originally asked another girl, who canceled on him.  I'm not reading into anything.  He's just a great guy, we had a great time, we are great friends, the end.  I just had to get this all written down.  It was the best night.

The next day, I got to hang out with my mom all afternoon and evening.  We saw Cinderella (my story was better, her dress was better) and McFarland, USA.  Holy bawl.  I sure love my mom and had an absolute blast with her this week.  I miss her so much already!

Celebcrush - if you ever happen to see this, thank you for being my friend and for an unforgettable night.

Future husband - you now know how to sweep me off my feet. Les Mis and ice cream. I'm not picky.

Working on a Filter

I have been singing with an interfaith choir as part of our stake music activities.  That's how I met the polygamist TV reality star a few posts back.  Here is a video recap.  Nobody show Toshiko how flat my fingers are on that piano.  She would be so ashamed.  I can still feel her grabbing my hands and curving my fingers for me.  Ah, the things teenagers will do to rebel a little and grow out their nails with blue polish...and learning how to play the piano with nails as a result.  Boom.

United in song from ElevenNews on Vimeo.


You can also see my blonde hair peek out from the back corner of the choir on the songs I wasn't accompanying.

Yesterday, we performed in the Provo Community United in Christ Church for their Sunday services.  Afterward, Dave the director asked if I could sightread a few songs for a fellow choir member (and accompanist) so he could hear her sing them and choose one for the Christmas concert.  She placed a Kurt Bestor arrangement on the piano for me, and I played through it.  It was pretty weird as far as musicality goes, but totally signature Kurt Bestor.  I made a witty comment somewhere in the middle: "This is SOOOOO Kurt Bestor."  Most fellow pianists would have laughed along and agreed with me, because we ALL know the agony/love that is Bestor music.  She was no exception.  The girl laughed and said, "I know, right?"

When we finished that and another song, Dave said, "I loved them.  I definitely want you to sing a few of your dad's songs, though."  I asked, "Oh, who is your dad?"

"Kurt Bestor."



Well... great.  FILTER, LINDSEY!

THE Seinfeld Party

Yeahhhhhhhhhh.  I'm THIRTY!  I can't really handle it, so I pretend I have no clue that it actually happened.

I still feel young in a lot of ways - then I see 21-year-olds, and I'm like, "NOPE.  I'm definitely 30."

So people keep saying that 30 is the new 20, no problem, and that my life is just starting.  I hope they're right.

To celebrate THIRTY, I planned and executed a pretty stinking awesome Seinfeld party.  Seinfeld has been a huge part of my life.  6:30pm every day on Fox 13, right after Simpsons.  This is my life.  Most episodes are pretty easy to relate to my own daily life.  Naturally, I dressed up like Elaine.  We had episodes playing, socializing, a "little kicks" contest between another Elaine (Rachel Stratford) and myself, and the best themed food ever.  

I actually special-ordered black & white cookies and a marbled rye from my local bakery.  I had to explain what those things meant since we don't live in NYC, apparently.  They did an AWESOME job.  I decorated with signs from the show, pics, and food labels showing the connection to the show.  Throughout the night, we had 50+ people come and go!  I was so happy.  The doors were decorated with posters.  I wore a sombrero.  Most people didn't get most of the references, but I knew at least one person would walk through the door and exclaim, "Hey!  The Urban Sombrero!" - and I was right.  It was all worth it for that.  Rachel Stratford's date had face paint and she sewed him a devil's jersey.  It was perfection.  Wish you all could have been there!