CNA School - A blogger's dream.

Yes, it has begun! I am in CNA school right now as I prepare to apply for the LPN program. I literally leave my house at 7:45am Monday - Thursday, and get back at 10:30pm. I work 8-5, then race to AF for my class until 10:15. What a joy that is for me. What. A. Joy.

I'm so grateful that we don't have class Friday-Sunday (so I can catch up on everything and maybe get in a little sleep) and that it will only last four weeks.

So, to all my friends and family, I will see you in April.

This is what I have learned so far:

1. a few skills - including taking blood pressure, walking around holding a gait belt, changing a colostomy bag, securing catheter tubing, abdominal thrusts, etc.

2. I do NOT want to EVER be a CNA. EVER. Did you know poop freely flows from the large intestine through the incision in the abdomen and into the bag while you're changing it? Liquidy poop. You can see and clean the intestine as it hangs out on the outside of the body. Who wouldn't want to do that?

3. People who DO want to be CNAs are either Celestial angels sent from God or high school dropouts who smoke pot and have no less than two kids with a long road in front of them.

4. My class is made up of the latter and a few of us nursing school hopefuls who have all agreed to never be CNAs.

5. Vasectomies sometimes grow back.

These are some of the more interesting moments I have had from class so far (I could post daily about it, really, but let's not forget that I'm usually super awesome at keeping this updated all the time... no I'm not)

Danielle, a rich horse-loving teenager from Sandy, told us that the day "The Vow" came to theaters, her next-door neighbor slipped in his shower and forgot the past four years of his life. This started my distrust in her.... More on her later....

Mabel, a 40-something-year-old-Buddhist-Catholic from Chile, told us that she has a fear of doors.... and that someone will be on the other side to hurt her if she tries to shut it. She then told us that her friend, who is an alternative healer, taught her that it means in a previous life, someone killed or raped her with a door involved.

Last Wednesday, Danielle and Mabel were in the break room eating Lime Tostitos. Danielle offered me some and apologized that they were cold because they had been in the fridge. We all enjoyed them for a while, then Danielle put them back in the fridge. Thursday, we had a substitute teacher who normally teaches during the day class. During break, she pulled out the bag of Tostitos from the fridge and said "Do you guys want some? Lime chips are so much better cold." Danielle and Mabel said "sure!" and ate up... I whispered "I thought those were Danielle's," and Danielle and Mabel shushed me and said "We were stealing them!" Ok. I felt like I had to barf up any remnants of my accidentally hawked wares.

Last night, Annastasia bought a year's supply of junk food at the gas station and offered to share with us if we wanted. Danielle took the Corn Nuts and didn't even leave any for Annastasia. She then put the rest in her purse. I could not believe my eyes. Annastasia realized it and told her to just bring her a Pepsi tomorrow or something. It was so awkward.

Also last night, our instructor Vicki mentioned the reproductive system and said "gonads". Annastasia and Danielle both burst out laughing and couldn't stop. They were like, "That's a real word? We thought it was just something guys said." Facepalm.

Annnnd another from last night - Annastasia was reading a disease card and fumbled over the term "blood supply", saying it "blood suppry." I chuckled and whispered "brood suppry" and then she laughed so hard, she couldn't even finish the card. She finally got back to it and said "Ok, I'll try not to sound like a dang J** this time."

I decided to write some poetry about my experiences thus far.

"As I sit in the midst of racists and thieves, I can't but help but dream of Autumn's fall leaves.

Ere they talk of drug habits and religions and men, I want to return again and again.

Reincarnation and rapes done by doors, amnesia after falling from showers to floors."

That's all I have so far. I am so happy to have such a beautiful subject to draw my inspiration from.

This is my dream come true.

New.

New Year, New Post, New Job, New Goals.

I have been a terrible blogger lately. I feel like that's how all my journal entries started out when I was younger, too - if my journal were a blog.

Chapter 1: Bye, Bye, BYU.

BYU was great for so many reasons, and I love the atmosphere there. After going part-time to take classes and hiring a full-time replacement (Powerhouse Paula), I left for full-time work again. After working with Gregg, I was really excited to switch careers and not work with engineers ever again.

So, I got hired on as an Administrative Assistant at a company in Provo called Aquaveo. A company that makes software for civil engineers. And is staffed 95% by engineers.

I did, however, get a week off in between the jobs for Christmas. Party!

Guess what, though - CIVIL engineers actually have to deal with people for a living, not like my precious MECHANICAL loves I left behind. I do miss them sometimes - then a coworker makes fun of another coworker for thinking they could strip the copper out of an old motherboard, and I'm at home once again.

I think I am the only unmarried person working here. And you know what? I am liking my job!

The interview was 10 minutes long. TEN. I went to my car laughing. Tom (my boss) was so quiet and cryptic, I thought for sure they didn't like me. When they called later that day to ask when I could start, I laughed again.

You can hear the dazzling vocal stylings of yours truly at the new job here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tc2clz-Bj_M&list=UUrnhsT2Hml4NMalTXTFwT7w&index=2&feature=plcp

No, I don't know what any of those words mean.

Chapter 2: Roommate Recession

Tori and Head both moved closer to campus because they hated me and said I smelled.

Now I am living by myself in the big yellow house like one of those hermit old ladies I always pitied growing up! DON'T EVER LET ME BUY CATS, OKAY??

You know what, though? Not having to conform to anybody else's schedule is bomb dot com and I get all the hot water I want... And I can walk around or exercise sans modest clothing. Every cloud has a silver lining, huh?

Chapter 3: Ciao, Couch.

My immediate family members have all accepted a challenge to run in the San Francisco 1/2 Marathon or 5K in July.

Considering the fact that the most I have EVER been able to run in my LIFE was 10 minutes (1 mile) - and that was only after months of building up to it - also I was a young teenager and weighed like 4000 pounds less than I do right now.... Anyway, I did not think it was a good idea to sign up for the 1/2 Marathon. I do believe that people can change and I did want a worthwhile goal to strive for that would get me moving, so I decided that I would take the next six months and train for the 5K! That is literally 3x more than I have ever run in my entire life. I think it's a pretty great goal and I've been working on it for about a month now. I have doubled my endurance (which still is absolutely hilariously slow and short), but I think I'm going to make it! My goal is just to finish the 5K without walking at all. They let you do a progressive marathon with this 5K - so 23 training miles up to the marathon day (July 29) are logged and then you finish the last 3.1 the day of the race. You get a medal for 26.1 miles! We are all pretty excited!

Chapter 4: Date Death

After countless conversations with my siblings about how great ldssingles.com can be, and letting go of my pride and reputation, I joined the online dating world. Spence was blessed on that site. I was not. I saw it as more of a cafeteria. A cafeteria for zombies - hungry for each other and nothing else in the world and a little scary a lot of the time. I'm so glad other people have had it work for them. I had some nice guys, some creepers, and the usual type of guys who are attracted to me being attracted to me... and they were also creepers. I'm ready for my membership to just go ahead and expire. Haha... maybe a married coworker will set me up with a friend of theirs who isn't an engineer. Wouldn't that be something...

Chapter 5: Sayonara, Single Spencer

Spence has recently taken a ladyfriend and I don't know how much I'm allowed to say - but there may be some big changes to my family this year.

No, I'm not pregnant.

Neither is Caitlyn (pictured above). No worries.

We are excited, though.

An encounter most interesting

As I was purchasing the new Capstone Administrative Assistant, Paula, her Christmas gift (a Dilbert one-a-day calendar to get her through a year of engineers), I participated in the following conversation:

Store clerk, 25-yr-old male: Do you like Dilbert?

Me: Oh yeah, it's funny, but this is for someone else.

Clerk: I don't get Dilbert. I'm not smart enough.

Me: Oh, well, I think you just need to work in an office - then you'll get it and think it's funny.

Clerk: Well that's the thing. I'm not smart enough to work in an office.

Me: Well... ermm... uhhh

Clerk: That's just it. Everything in my life stems back to me being just plain dumb.

Me: Well, you sell calendars! That's something!

Clerk: Pft. You want to know the only reason I accepted this job? My brother-in-law owns the company and told me it would be easy. I thought I could come here and just slack off. I cannot BELIEVE how popular calendars are this time of year!

Me: Well, with Christmas gifts, and the new year coming up...

Clerk: I mean seriously! I thought I could just come here and play video games all day, but nooooo.

Me: Oh...

Clerk: Yeah, for real. I thought I could bring in my TV and just sit here and slack off all day long. I don't think my TV even fits under this table! I mean, seriously, I --

Me: Thanks! [walked away quickly with purchase]


PS - a few days later, a woman told me my "daughter" (my 21-yr-old sister) was cute.

AND - 1000 bonus points to the first person who figures out what retro Christmas song I was quoting in the post title.

The Goal.

On 11/11/11, my coworkers listened as I expressed my plans of getting married on 11/11/11. They asked how that was working out for me.

I said I still had a few hours.

Sadly, I did not have a wedding on 11/11/11. I then joked that I can shoot for 12/12/12.

Carl said, "I want to see that in writing, on your goal board." My goal board is where I put circles of tasks that branch off from each other. These are tasks that need to be completed by semester-end. Here is the new goal board, hanging next to my desk.It gets quite a few laughs - especially the "Go on a date" bit, but there was one different response.



Billy.



"What's 12/12/12? Oh a wedding day? Do you have a groom?"

"No, hence the bubble that says 'Find groom'."

"Oh, I have the same problem!"

"Really? You need a groom too?!"

"Well... a wife, anyway... so...."

"right..."

"Maybe we could help each other out. We should just get together."

"Umm"

Then he left, awkwardly laughing on his way out.

Amused.

Hey blogworld. Sorry I am lame and haven't posted in a long time. School/work/life gets in the way sometimes. Here are a few tidbits of amusement from my life for the past little while...

1. Remember the great popcorn evacuation of 2009? I was telling that story to my office here in Mechanical Engineering since there is a terrible burnt rubber smell in the hallway (from a motor belt that broke). Then I was talking with Kim about it and she said that she found out yesterday.... get this.... the smoke from the popcorn did NOT trigger the fire alarm! Some silly safety-conscious employee in the building smelled the burned popcorn and... yep! PULLED the fire alarm. Remember all the flack I got for that? Psh!

2. The Mechanical Engineering Capstone directors decided that since I am being paid as a T.A., I should be doing T.A. work. This means they have asked me to grade 200 engineering assignments three times this semester. You want to know my knowledge of engineering? I know how to spell it. That's all. I am correcting interpreted needs - metrics matrices and functional specifications. Yeah, I know how to spell those too.

3. I have put my foot in my mouth at least twice in the past couple months. At the stake BBQ, I ran into an old friend who had become engaged since I saw him last. In front of lots of people, I screamed, "BEN! You're ENGAGED!!!" Jessica gave me the "slit-throat-that's-a-no-go" sign and Ben said, "Uh, no, I'm not. Not anymore." Even worse, while practicing musical numbers at a friend's house, her sister (married years ago, cute son) was in the house and made a comment that she was too old for singles' wards now. I said, "Well that, and you're married... duh," to which she responded, "Um, not anymore." Cool, Linz. See how many more of these you can conjure up in the next couple months!

4. My british friend told me the other day that the reason my school load is so busy is because I am not enrolled in Institute. What he doesn't know is that my school load is not actually that busy. I just use school as an excuse any time he wants to do something. Also, I've been attending Institute for years, but spaced it for this semester - so I guess it was a humbling moment too.

5. Occupy Wall Street.

6. I have been talking in my sleep lately while around my family. The first time, our dog Ari came and sniffed my face, which started the waking-from-dream moment that prompted me to say "Hi, ice cream." Yep. Then, a few weeks later, we were watching Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" and I fell asleep, as usual with older flicks. I started to giggle, thus starting the waking-from-dream moment and the following sentence: "I was just thinking.... how funny it would be if, while we were watching this movie, a bird flew in here and started pecking at my head." I was not awake until the ends of these instances.

7. Occupy Wall Street.

Well shoot...

Remember my phone valentine from here?

Well, I met him today.




He's really cute.





Shoot.

I am Josie Geller, high school senior, class of 1999.

For one of my favorite scenes from this movie... click here.

Josie Geller did it. I can do it too. Ok, maybe I am not going back to High School as an undercover reporter for the Chicago-Sun Times, but I am.... (drum roll)

GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TO BECOME A NURSE!

I, Lindsey, who vowed to never go back to class again - to never take an exam in that heaven-forsaken testing center at BYU - to never do one more piece of homework in my life - have made a decision.

In fact, I have been taking Anatomy already and have my final lecture exam this week in the fore-mentioned testing center. I get free tuition while I work full time and I knew this would be a good gauge as to how I might feel about nursing. I found it really interesting! Also... really gross! Mostly great, though.

I feel like my twin, Josie, when she goes and hangs out with these young students and tries to fit in. If only BYU had a Prom I could get egged for....

I have really been unsatisfied with this job and have been feeling like I contribute nothing to society. I stare at a computer screen all day long and enjoy nice hours and benefits - but that's about it, you know? I knew I would be quitting by about... December of last year. I also knew I would give them a full year before I left. Plus, I thought if I just worked on focusing on the positive, my attitude would improve. I tried that. I'm still trying. Ha!

Then, to my utmost surprise and astonishment, my gallbladder failed and I had to get surgery. I missed two weeks of work (which was really really great - even in pain) and when I was in countless hospitals, labs, and doctor's offices, I watched the nurses a lot. I thought to myself, "Now THERE'S a fulfilling job. You help people all day long and get to wear scrubs." I talked to my family about it and my med-school-brother, medical-assistant-mother, LPN-grandmother, etc all agreed it would be a great venture for me.

After dismissing that idea because I don't want to wipe bums and see traumatic wounds that would make me faint, my friend Jordan visited me with Shirley's Bakery treats during my surgery recovery. Jordan just became an RN and her first job? $27/hr.

Sold.

She told me that and I about died. She told me our friend Erica who is an LPN makes $21/hr.

LPN school at Mountainland (accredited) is only $2,000. I just have to take the Pre-requisite courses, including Anatomy. I signed up to see what I thought, and as previously stated, have liked it!

After much prayer and studying alternatives, I have decided to drop full-time work and do the rest of my pre-reqs as a full-time student in the Fall. I will continue to work part-time. I will have all my pre-reqs done by December and then can get my CNA, CPR, and First Aid training done in time to apply for next Fall's LPN program in the Spring.

Most people I have told this to have responded the same way: "You'd make a GREAT nurse!" I really hope so. I hope it all works out.

If, by some miracle, I happen to get married in this process and start a family, I won't be too cut about not becoming a nurse right away. Let's be honest. Being a mom is my dream job.

The Testing Center is the bane of my existence. Let's get this party started!