One of THOSE days

This post is the exact opposite of my last post.

I am not one for complaining on my blog, unless it involves a funny story like the enchilada massacre.

Well, do you ever have one of those days where you think that the only thing you can/want to do is curl up in a ball and close your eyes and generally stop existing?

I'm not suicidal.

But today comes close.

1. I am dog-sitting in Orem and packed a suitcase yesterday.  I work at the temple RIGHT after work today, so I packed my black skirt for today's outfit.  Said skirt apparently has a huge run up the butt, and wouldn't be really noticeable with a black slip underneath.  I forgot that slip.

2. I opted for pants and will have to leave work early to change in time for my temple shift.

3. Girl stuff - sorry male readers.

4. I feel like there is a torpedo in my stomach.

5. I broke out in zits and a cold sore.

6. My allergy shots have worn off and my eyes burn and my nose runs.

7. I'm tired.

8.  Poli REFUSED to poop because the grass was wet.

9.  He will probably poop in the house before I can let him out again.

10. I have to leave work even earlier so I can make sure to let him out before we have an enchilada-massacre-all-over-the-carpet-like accident.

11. Since the sprinklers were on in the backyard, I took Poli on a leash into the front yard to see if he would go there.  He didn't.

12. However, I did come across a giant ant infestation covering the entire width of our front porch.

13. I poured the rest of my mom's Costco-sized bag of baking soda over the ants and now have to reimburse her when she comes to town.

14. I didn't have time to eat breakfast.

15. I got stuck in traffic.

16. I forgot my watch and earrings.

17. I'm at work.

18. It's only 8:42am.

22 Benefits of Being Lindsey

I keep meanly glaring at this Pinterest post on my feed called, "22 Benefits of Being Married" - and decided to replace my jealousy with gratitude.  So, I'm making my own list.  22 Benefits of Being Me.  I am not self-obsessed.  I am just trying to count my blessings.  Savvy?

For those of you fortunate enough to be familiar with Parks and Recreation, this is the attitude I need to adopt:

1. I have the best family ever.

2. I am employed and have great benefits and unlimited sick time.

3. Though I'm not yet married, being single totally has its perks.  

4. I have an amazing hairdresser and just got a wicked fun new 'do.

Before and After (yes these were taken in my work restroom so people didn't think I was obsessed with myself and saw me taking selfies - deal with it) - 

5. I can travel.

6. I have a degree from a great university.

7. I paid off my car.

8. I moved into an awesome condo and am surrounded by fellow older singles.

9. I laugh at everything.  Every day.

10. I can out-quote almost any normal person when it comes to movies.

11. My new condo has a maid service once a month.

12. I have the knowledge of the gospel.

13. I have green eyes.

14. I may not be able to run a mile, decorate a home, paint a landscape, draw a correct stick figure, or curl my tongue, but hey - I am pretty musical, and I love music.

15. I totally fixed my own headlight and saved tons of $$$$$$$ - Head and Mike helped with tools.  This is how I felt afterward:

16. I can follow a recipe and produce delicious results.

17. I am not drama.  Girls who say those words usually are, and I recognize that.  I try to not be contentious or overstep boundaries.

18. I have a very comfortable life and realize that I enjoy a ton more than those with less fortunate circumstances.

19. I can help others.  I got seven mosquito bites in a row on my arm while weeding for someone who needed it with my Relief Society sistahs.  I can donate funds to good causes.  I have the means and ability to help lift others' burdens.  I am so very grateful for that.

20. I have amazing friends, and we stay friends.

21. I am a Daughter of God.

22. To sum it all up, I know I have a great life.  I know I want it to be different in many ways, but for this last reason, I'm going to just say that I have faith and hope and a testimony in my life now and my life yet to come.

P.S. If you want to feel good about yourself, you should probably take after Jessica, and do these daily affirmations in the mirror:

"Expect a blog post about this!"

...said by me in my dead car on the side of the road at 1am in Vegas.

It All Started Out So Innocently:

My parents were going to Vegas for a convention my dad attends every year for the National Association of Broadcasters.  It is a huge conference and hotel rooms always sell out.  Mom and dad were staying with Spencer and Caitlyn.  My sister and I needed a vacation, and this was the one weekend in months I didn't work at the temple (the temple was closed for General Conference).

Tori and Jared were also going to Vegas that weekend for Maggie's bridal shower.  We told them they could ride with us instead of trying to coordinate with Natalie (also going down). She said she might be able to get us a room at Maggie's or Natalie's.  Tori and Jared were staying at Maggie's.  I didn't want to be a burden, and said I didn't mind getting a hotel.  Turns out, everyone was visiting them that weekend, and we wouldn't have had space there.

Since space at Spencelyn's would be scarce as well, we booked a hotel.

I booked the Courtyard Inn by Marriott because A. it's a Marriott and I trust them, 2. I knew I needed to sleep well so I could drive safely on the return, and D. it is a smoke-free, clean white sheet, fantasy land.

My dad said "Hey girls, I might be able to get you the hotel room I would have used, but am not," and he booked us at another nice place a few minutes closer to Spencelyn.  I looked it up and it did have some smoking rooms/floors, so I said we'd take the extra distance and price and get our sublime comfort Marriott.  He canceled that other reservation.

Innocent Trip Diminishing:

As a responsible adult now (I'm growing up, really), I decided to get my oil changed two days prior to the trip.  I found a deal for Meinecke where, with a coupon, they would change my oil AND rotate my tires (still have snow tires on from a couple years ago) for $19.95.  SOLD.

When I got to Meinecke, I handed them the coupon and they said, "We won't rotate your tires, but we can do the oil change for $19.95."  "Well $19.95 oil change is on your banners as the current price anyway, but I brought this coupon so I could also get my tires rotated."  "Well, this is a corporate coupon, and we don't honor it."  What the?  "Fine, just an oil change, then."

Now, I know I am a white single girl with a huge handbag and hot sunglasses, and I know I am like a big money symbol to these guys.  I know they will try to talk me into this or that, new wiper blades, new air filter, etc.  I came prepared to shut that all down and say, "Just the oil change, thanks."

"Excuse me, you own the Shebby?"  "Yes, I own the Chevy."  "Can you please come with me for a minute?"

He walked me UNDER my car (terrifying) and had me hold on to the tie rod while he wiggled one of my wheels.  "Feel how it moves?"  "Yes."  "Now try this one.  See?  It doesn't move.  That one needs to be replaced.  It's bery bery dangerous, miss.  I can do it for $129 for parts and labor."  "Okay, well, not today, but thanks for letting me know."  "Ok, but it's bery dangerous."  "Okay."

Once I got back to the waiting room, I googled loose tie rods and saw that it is, in fact, bery dangerous.  Dangit.  I texted my brilliant car junkie brother (who said he would never own a Toyota or a Honda and now owns both: marriage!) and told him what was up.  He reassured me they just wanted my money and that it has been loose for years, and is fine.  I called my trusted mechanic and explained what was up.  He said if it's just a little loose, then my tires will just wear faster, but if it's a lot loose, then yes, it's a dangerous problem.  Well great.  How the heck do I know the difference in a little loose and a lot loose??  I can tell you the difference between Florentine Gelato and Venetian Gelato, but I had to incorrectly google "tire rod" to find out it's even called a "tie rod".

I asked the guy to repeat his quote for getting it fixed.  "You said it would be $120 to fix it?"  "Yes, ma'am.  $129 including labor and parts.  But, also, you will then need to get an alignment.  That's another $99."  Ugh.  I said no.

I took my car and was really feeling unsettled about it all.  The next morning I woke up pretty worried.  I called another trusted mechanic and he told me to bring it in so he could just look at it and let me know.  He assured me it was fine.  "Yeah, it's a little loose, but it's not going to break on ya.  I've seen much worse.  You should get it fixed one of these days, but you're fine."  Whew!  Thanks for being right, again, Spence!  Road trip!

In addition, my gas gauge (incorrectly googled and found to actually be the "fuel sender") is also broken.  When my tank is full, the gauge drops to empty until I've used about 1/4 my tank, then it works fine.

I also know that I can drive 30 miles in the city or 40 on the freeway on an empty tank before I run out of gas.  When the day of the road trip arrived, I sat Tori and Jared down, and explained all my car problems so they would be prepared in case I was murdered or possibly asleep when the gas gauge suddenly dropped to empty.  I reassured them that everything would be fine.

Heather broke my sunglasses.

That doesn't have to do with this story, but I just wanted everyone to know that.

She and Tori both forgot theirs, and I normally have two pairs with me.  Now I only had one and everyone suffered.

Innocence Lost:

On the drive down, we saw one of those electronic signs that tells you how many minutes until the next exit in current traffic, etc.  This one, however, just said "Fugitive alert: Beware of Hitchhikers."

Uhhh.... yikes.

We got to Vegas by about 9:30PM.  We hung out with Spencelyn and the folks for a while, then Tori and Jared were picked up by Maggie.  Caitlyn told me over and over that we were welcome to stay there.  I told her we did not want to be a burden, and were happy to stay in the hotel.  She is so sweet.

We left around 11:30 (12:30AM our time) and drove to the hotel 15 minutes away.  I was so excited for that white bed.  I had a content smile resting on my tired face.

"Lindsey Andersen checking in."

"Ma'am, we tried to call you, but there was no number listed on the reservation...."

Heather said my facial expression was completely priceless.  The content smile turned to great disgust and worry.

"We actually overbooked our rooms tonight, and are completely full, but don't worry.  We have you at a hotel just literally down the road, 2-3 miles.  Then, tomorrow, you can stay here.  We will even offer you our shuttle if you'd like.  You will be at the Comfort Inn."

NO.

I was polite and frustrated, but I know how the service industry is, and I didn't want to ruin this poor girl's night.  I asked for another Marriott.  Everything was booked because of the NAB Conference.  I said I've stayed at Comfort Inns before and I didn't want to stay there.  They're smoky and ugly and gross.  She assured me that the Henderson Comfort Inn was much better than the Vegas Strip Comfort Inn.  We did agree on that, but I still wasn't happy.  So I said I could stay at my brother's, and she said, "Well, ma'am, it is just our policy, but if you do that, we will charge you a cancellation fee."  That was the first time I snapped. "But it isn't my fault I'm not staying here!"  She wouldn't budge.  We agreed to just charge me for the second night with no cancellation fees, and Heather and I would stay at Spencer's for that night only.  It was couches and floors for us over the Comfort Inn.  I looked up the Comfort Inn later, and apparently it is super nice.  Drat.

As we pulled out of the hotel, Heather said "Wouldn't it be funny if your wheel came off right now?"  No, Heather, it wouldn't.  My gas light had been on for only 14 miles.  Doing good.  I passed a gas station while telling Heather, "It's too expensive.  We'll catch the next one."

We drove for two miles, and then sputtered to a complete stop with honking cars behind us and a completely empty tank.

There were tears.

We called our dad.  Everyone was asleep already, but he'd come save us.  Heather posted about it on Facebook, and we soon got texts and calls from Tori and others.  Tori was like "I was just with you - what the heck happened?"  "Tori, I gotta go.  There's a cop pulling up behind me."

"You ladies okay?"  Through my tears, laughter, and exhaustion, I said, "Yeah, we just got kicked out of our hotel."

Oops - probably not the coolest thing I could have said to this Vegas cop in the middle of the night while sounding drunk.  He must have noticed my BYU Alumni license plate, Romney/Ryan bumper sticker, and Heather's BYU Cougars sweats, because he just said he was sorry and asked if anyone was coming to help, then left.

Dad came, and not all too soon.  What if the fugitive was wandering around there???  We decided it would be okay if that fugitive were Harrison Ford.  Heather caught sight of some strange behavior ahead of us on the road.  Turns out, there were a few guys heading our way.  When we finally drove off, Heather noticed at least one of them was drunk, dancing, and ... exposed.

If dad had come just a little later, we would have had quite a different experience.  We are SO grateful we didn't.

Innocence Restored:

The rest of the weekend was blissful - watching General Conference, eating, swimming, and being with family.  I went to Maggie's bridal shower and had a great time.  Poor Tori got mucho sicko and did not have the pleasant experience we did.  My tie rod is still in place.  We ate at a Spanish Tapas restaurant called Firefly, and Caitlyn provided tons of awesome snacks.  We slept in those beautiful white Marriott sheets Saturday night.  Will I ever stay there again?  Nope.  Pillowtop mattresses are not my thing, but we still had a good night. Spence made us amazing waffles Sunday morning.  It was soooo great!

Oh, But Wait:

On the drive home, my fuel sender completely broke, and now I have to set a trip odometer to know when I'll be running out of gas next time.  Sighhh.....

On Being a Grown-Up

About a month ago, I was doing my taxes online.  Since this is always a pleasant ordeal, I was in a super happy mood.  I actually owed the federal government this year, which is thrilling.  I owe them everything, you know?  Sure, here's some more money!!!  That's the least I can do!  When I went to e-File, it said I needed my PIN from last year's taxes to verify.  I went to my tiny filing cabinet that I purchased a few years ago as a big-kid-now moment.  I could hear my mom's voice, "Everything has a place.  When you enter the house, think about where everything goes, and put it there before you do anything else."  I was super proud of myself when I went to where I always file my taxes - my little filing cabinet.  When I opened it, my taxes for last year (and the year before) were missing.  2009 was in there.  Woot.  A lot of good that does me.

Think, Lindsey, think.  You know you normally put your taxes here.  You know you took 2010 out last year to take with you for your 2011 return.  Those two would be together somewhere - in my car perhaps?  That trunk is filled with junk - pun intended.  So I searched.  I looked for a great while, actually, with nothing to show for it.  Not in the car, or the trunk.  Not in other filing systems in the home.  Not in my room.

Cue the great nervous breakdown of 2013.

I. Freaked. Out.  "Why can I not be a responsible adult ever?  I am way too old to be living in this same bedroom filled with porcelain dolls! (I love those dolls - nostalgia - don't judge)  I am never on time to anything.  I get to work 25-35 minutes late daily. I lose everything.  Even if my taxes had been in my trunk, there's no way I would have found them in there.  It's a freaking mess.  I still have my CNA stuff in there (and the one-year deadline to take my exams was a mere weeks away), not to mention all my application papers for the nursing program at MATC!  That was a year ago!  I can't make more money if I want to keep my cushy job perks.  Because of a transfer overlook in my bank account, I literally thought I had $1000 more than I actually did, and went into a little credit card debt until my next paycheck came.  Who is that stupid?  I still haven't gotten back my $500 deductible from the insurance company for when that lady hit my car.  People my age own houses.  I own a 2006 Chevy with previously-a-rental-car cigarette burns in the upholstery and food stains all over (see posts here and here).  I live paycheck to paycheck sometimes.  I still owe over two grand for that dang student loan I took out when I took nursing pre-reqs, which I also - shocker - gave up on.  I am a loser.  I am single.  Forever. And Ever.  And Ever.  AND I teach Sunday School."  - ok that last line was from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but it actually applies.

Wow.

I cried.  I was a mess.  I told myself to go to bed and stop the anxiety.  

Proof of my absolute failure to be an adult:

This is our driveway circa February.  The snow was crazy this year.  I did not shovel that driveway or sidewalk once.  Not once.  Celestial neighbors and my kid sister did that.

This is the ice sheet that built itself on our back porch circa January.  My dad had to call me to make sure I took care of it.  I don't know if smacking it with a hammer until it was mostly fallen to the ground constitutes taking care of it, but that's what I did.

SO, what now?

Folks, I'm maturing.  I really am.  I feel it.  Mostly in my joints, but, I feel it.

1. I signed up, studied, and took my CNA exams.  

I PASSED! I AM NOW A CERTIFIED BED BATH GIVER!  We'll see if I ever use it, but I didn't want that year to expire and feel like even more of a failure.  CNA completed: check.

2. I signed a contract and wrote out a fat check to move to Deer Haven in Provo - the well-known "I didn't get married in my early twenties and heard this place was good for mutants like me" complex.  Moving out of my doll room: check.

I am about 1/3 of the way moved in.  Tomorrow night (after my weekly temple shift) will be the big, final haul.  Who in the world has time to move?  Between working 6 days a week and resting the 7th, I have been able to move about two boxes a day or set up one piece of furniture.  It's super conducive to healthy home-cooked eating to be between two homes and driving a lot.  No it isn't.  Del Taco is more conducive.  I feel it.  Most in my abdomen, but, I feel it.

3. I was looking for my study materials for my CNA exams a couple weeks ago, and remembered I saw my textbook on a table in the garage.  I went to grab it and saw a box which I had shoved previous trunk junk into during a momentary adult cleaning session months ago.  Guess what was inside.  My 2010 and 2011 TAX RETURNS!  2012 Taxes filed: check.  2010 and 2011 tax returns back in the filing cabinet: check.

4. My deductible check came.  I got a small cost-of-living raise.  I continued to pay tithing and fast offerings, and definitely saw the blessings.  CC debt paid off: check.

5. I cleaned out my car trunk as one of my first steps in overcoming this crisis.  Baby steps!  Trunk dejunked: check.  

6. I realized I have a great job.  I love my life.  I hope you all realize I am laughing at my breakdown now and said a lot of that in jest.  Yes, I want more in my life, but all I really needed was a good night's sleep.  Gratitude returning: check.

7. I bought adult furniture for myself and my new room.  I set up my bookshelf, dressers, etc all by myself, and felt great pride in those little accomplishments.  For the record, Ikea's assembly instructions are meant to be understood by felines, yet I still have to look it over 100 times before figuring it out.  Adulthood: check.

In conclusion, just to show you that I'm not quite there yet, this is what happens when Ikea's dresser assembly instructions are in black and white, and you don't know which way to face the panels when they're the first thing you put up.  I'm calling the alternating-painted-wood-and-tack-board "artsy" and leaving it.  Don't judge.

Baby steps.

8. Blogged: check.

A Completely Shallow Post of Materialistic Memories

I am on the hunt today for images/information relating to my favorite gifts I received as a kid.  I remember Christmas mornings filled with tears of joy at some of the gifts I received. Nowadays, thankfully, I'm more excited about the gifts I give.  I want to know if any of you remember any of these toys, and I am fully acknowledging the fact that I was a tad ridiculous.

1. The Barbie Dream Boat.  I even remember seeing the commercials for this in 1994.  I asked for it, I prayed for it, I got it.  Behold, my childhood:

So much pink.  So much glamour.  That weird translucent part in the middle was a real blender, so you could make smoothies and enjoy the vacation with Barbie.  I know I cried Christmas morning when I saw this.  I even remember where it was placed in the living room and hugging the box for a good while.

2. The Barbie Magical Motor home.

Oh baby.  More pink!  The truck part could detach and we still have it in the toy room, plus that futon pad and pillow.  Barbie and I enjoyed many luxurious camping trips together with that RV.

3. The framed unicorn art.  I remember Ryan had me unwrap a completely empty box under the tree from him when I was 8 or 9.  I was so mad at him for teasing me and laughing when there was nothing in the gift.  I think I cried tears of anger, then he said, "Linz, I'm just teasing.  The real gift is in my room.  Hold on."  He came back upstairs with three side-by-side framed pieces of fine art, each depicting a night scene with stars and a magnificent unicorn.  I cannot find anything closer than this depiction:

The tears turned to tears of joy and gratitude.  I also remember exactly where these were the first time I saw them.  Leaning against our board game closet in the hallway.  Such beauty had never before been seen by these eyes.

4. The birthstone ring.

This one was also from Ryan.  It looked a lot like the above picture.  I still have it, actually, in a jewelry box on my dresser.  It meant SO much to me.  I even remember opening it Christmas morning in the living room, and saying, "Oh!  Ryan!"  I was 8 or 9.  One year, I lost it, and cried and cried.  I prayed to find it.  I remember praying to find it.  After the winter snow melted, I went into the front yard and saw it in the grass.  I said a prayer of gratitude right then and there.

5. Barbie Starlight Splendor Gowns (and other dresses)

We still have the fraying remains of some of these dresses.  I was so enraptured at how glamorous these gowns were.  Sometimes on holidays, I would just dress up my barbies and do their hair.  I wanted them to look nice for Thanksgiving dinner!  I also remember getting a huge pallet of other dresses, probably the size of a poster.

6. The best Barbies I ever had:

Hollywood Hair Teresa - played with her until I was, no joke, 14 years old.  She was my favorite.  She was my bff.

Aladdin and Jasmine (and the less important Genie) - found them hiding in my dad's office before Christmas morning and had to pretend to be surprised when I opened them later.  I was too excited to wait!

We still have those clothes.  Bonus: Genie's head popped out and could be turned upside-down for a different facial expression.  You can sort-of see the illustration on the box.

7. Care Bears

8. Cabbage Patch Kids Dolls

They came with a signed Birth Certificate!  Hello!  Awesome!  The tragedy included with this one is what happened to my Cabbage Patch Kids Doll.  My brothers got her when we were living in the Provo house, took our dad's staple gun, and massacred her head.  There were probably 57 staples in her head when I found her.  Three older brothers?  A princess/unicorn/barbie-obsessed girl?  I'm surprised I didn't run away.  Oh wait, I did.  Several times.

This is me with my first CPKD, when I was two years old:

Okay, readers - I am super interested in your own favorite toy memories!  Care to share??

Questions.

Thoughts to ponder and stories for each:

1. What about me attracts teenage boys?  Remember the Brit?  This guy is a cowboy, but no less persistent and no older than the Brit was.  Hey world, just a reminder, I'm 28.  Here is the email I typed up to HJolley detailing my night... feel free to skip it since it is lonnnng.

This guy (we will call him Cowboy) is somewhere in the 18-20 years of age range.  I have known him for like 8 months or something, since he was hanging out at Institute with Evan C.  They're in the same singles ward.  He wears a cowboy hat every day.  He almost NEVER removes it.  He wears a huge belt buckle and cowboy boots.  His hair was grown out and curly with a beard when I first met him.  He was funny and nice and I was nice in return, but honestly never even thought he'd actually be interested or anything.  I mean... he knows I'm old.... anyway...

So we always say hi to each other and he has come with us to get shakes after institute, etc.  I doubt he has any friends outside this circle, but he isn't shy.  He is just kooky.  I saw him at the Halloween dance and he hugged me - picking me up in the process.  I was like WHOA - you must be incredibly strong, bro.  Eeek

So I haven't seen him since then that I can think of - maybe a few times - but he cut his hair short and shaved his beard.  I asked him if it was to prep for a mission and he said yeah.  I was super excited for him.

So last night, I go to institute, and I walk past him to Courtney and Marissa (didn't even see him) and he stops me and grabs my hand and is like "Hey!"  so I said "Hi!  You sitting by yourself?  Why don't you come sit with us?"

ABORT

WHY AM I STUPID

I WILL NO LONGER BE NICE TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN.  ISN'T WORTH IT.

So he came and sat with us, then wouldn't leave me alone the entire meeting.  He was going through funny internet pics he had saved to his iPod and he wouldn't even let me listen to the class - just wanted to show me all of them and tell me why he thinks they're funny.  I looked over at Courtney at one point like... make it stop... bowl... and she just smiled and understood.

So he shows me a pic of his newest guns and I pointed to a couple and said I had shot those before... ABORT 

WHY AM I STUPID

At one point, he took my phone out of my hand and added himself as my friend on facebook, then told me when he got home, he was going to stalk my profile.... EEEK

so after the class ended, we were getting up, and Ryan C came over and was talking to us.  Cowboy then invited me to go shooting... which is not a big deal to me.  STEVEHALL! (a coworker who I have fun with, who is a tad ridiculous and has a name similar to STEVE HOLT! from Arrested Development, so I call him STEVEHALL!) also asked me to go shooting yesterday, but I am busy this weekend and also YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, STEVE.  So I didn't think anything of it, but just brushed it off and tried to avoid having to answer.  I said, "HEy Ryan likes guns too!  Yeah, Ryan over here is a total enthusiast.  You guys should talk"

and I tried to leave.  bahaha.... but he followed, and then waited and talked to me while i was eating refreshments with marissa and courtney.  He kept showing us his battle wounds from his welding job and all the accidents he's been in.  I asked him what was on the radar mission-wise and he basically told me he doesn't think he'll go anymore.  For the record, neither did the Brit.

The director of the class told us all to have a great weekend and to "keep this one out of trouble" pointing to Cowboy.  Cowboy then blurted out, "Well I already laid the shooting date out on the table, but nobody wants to go with me!"  right in front of me. 

i was like oh craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap it's a date now???  how do I turn this poor kid down at institute in front of everyone??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So then I again brushed it off with saying "Well you're so dang accident-prone, why would we want to go shooting with you!?"  and he gave me a spiel on how gun safety is his number one priority and he would teach me correctly blah blah blah

We finally were leaving, and he walked us outside.  Marissa and Courtney said bye and walked off.  He grabbed my hand and said "Come shooting."

and iiiiiiiiiiiii died

and then i said "ok, well, i'm busy this weekend..."

and he said "Ok, well, I'll get my double-barrel back from my uncle next month, so, maybe then" and I said "I do like shooting, but i'm busy.  bye!" and went to my car and laughed/groaned.

Then he started writing me on fbook and i haven't responded.  That's the end of the Cowboy story. For now.

Another funny one:

I called marissa and courtney and we went to get shakes and stuff after this whole ordeal went down.  They laughed with me and felt sorry for me and we ate our feelings.  While we were sitting at a car stall at sonic, this guy comes up to my car... grungy looking, cigarette in his hand, and comes up to my door.

He looked at me and motioned to talk to him.  Now, you know that I have been freaked out lately of predators and stuff... so I said, "NOPE" and locked all my doors!  I was like "I don't know what you're playing here, but I'm not into it."  

the girls said "Lindsey, he's just trying to back up his truck and needs you to move."  I guess they had seen him coming, but I hadn't.  I was like OH my word and rolled down my window

"I'm sorry, you just need me to move?"

"Yes... did you just lock your doors?  Jeez"

"Um, well, I didn't know!  Ok, I'll move"

and i booked it out of there, crying from laughing so hard.  The guy probably thought all Utah Valley girls are snobs.  He was wearing a UofU sweatshirt.  Oh man.  I don't regret it, because I believe in "better safe than sorry" but i was pretty embarrassed and couldn't stop laughing the whole drive home.  

2. Am I turning into one of those self-defense fanatics who I always thought were a little butch? 

Refer to the end of that email.  Also, I recently posted in my ward facebook page about being careful of this guy who joined all the local singles ward pages and asks for rides from UVU.  I felt creeped out by it - then found out later that the cops are warning girls at BYU about this exact situation and about a sex offender using this to get naive girls... So, I am now the ward protector and the bishopric even had ME make an announcement in Relief Society about it.  

STEVEHALL! also invited me to get my concealed carry permit with him and a couple other coworkers, so I went to the class and am in the process.  Eek!  I've never been the type you'd expect to pack heat.  I never expected myself to be that person.  I still am not, really.  We'll see.  

Head and I also went and took an archery class for her Christmas present.  I saw it in July and bought it for Christmas knowing she would die of happiness.  So, I shot a bow and arrow last night.  I made it in the red zone of the target, so watch out pervs!  In the words of Art from the Burbs "We are out to get 'em.  We are out to get them."

3. Do I have a life?

Yesterday, I got a spam text.  I started texting back because of this hilarious prank I saw (sorry for the bad language if you click on that).  Usually spam texts come from a 5-digit computer number, but this was a legit cell phone in Denver.  I texted back for hours.  Still no response. Those five responses from me continued and continued ... and continued.  I'm not even going to blur that phone number for their privacy.  Have at it, folks.

Also, I am so hooked on TV shows - it's sad.  I get super upset if I haven't seen the latest episode or if there are re-runs.  My current lineup: The Mindy Project, Parks and Recreation, Once Upon a Time, and Modern Family.  I watch an episode a day of Parks and Rec on my lunch break.  I am currently re-watching the 2nd season.  Love.  My friend Alison and I may or may not be having a "TREAT YO-SELF" day soon.

4. Can I really survive in the real world?

This morning, I ran out of gas in my driveway.  It took an hour of sliding on pure ice (look up any Utah articles today and you will see freezing rain and a kajillion car accidents), maneuvering my mom's car out of the garage past mine, buying a gas can, breaking the spout, replacing it with an old one from our garage, sweating, and pouring gasoline all over myself and my driveway before I was finally able to leave for work.  Sweet fancy Moses!

5. When will I get my deductible back?

Over Christmas, my car was backed into.  I didn't want to worry about waiting for her insurance to offer to pay for stuff, so I had my insurance instigate and they will get the money from her insurance.  My car was in the shop for a couple weeks or so, and I got to drive a precious little Yaris.  I love my car for the most part, but it is getting old.  My first thought was, "Please be totaled.  Please be totaled."  However, I'm grateful that it wasn't and that I don't need to buy a new car.  But seriously... I could use that $500 back... any day now.

There's my update.  

Let's hope the Cowboy doesn't follow through.

Big Apple Weekend

Sigh.  I♥NY.

Some gal pals and I got to go to NYC this weekend for a little vacation.  It. Was. Awesome.

Friday - Marissa, Ashley, Jessica, and I arrived at the Newark airport at about 4pm.  We rented a car and drove to Scarsdale (about a 45-minute drive that took us three hours in Friday night traffic.  No big deal).  Ashley's aunt/uncle live there and were letting us stay with them.  Ashley's sweet aunt made us dinner and we headed out to the city on the train, getting there around 8:45pm.  We went straight to Rockefeller Square to get in line for ice skating.  We waited in line until about 10:40pm, then skated until almost midnight.  It was gorgeous and awesome!  There was one guy who I can only describe as the skinniest/tallest black guy in leggings I have ever seen.  He was an awesome figure skater, and that's all I will say.  I included the video I tried to get of him.  Sadly, I didn't catch him doing his fully extended leg lift.

We walked around 5th Avenue and down to Times Square, and we enjoyed the lights and Christmas feel of everything.  It was so beautiful!  The red ribbon made entirely out of lights was stunning around the Cartier store.

Saturday - We took the train to town and got in line in Times Square for discount theater tickets.  Since the weather report I checked three different times before traveling said it would be in the 50s the whole time we were there, I was smart enough to not bring a coat.  Hello, I needed the suitcase space for the Chinatown haul I was expecting!  It was 33 degrees on Saturday.  Just FYI.  We stood in line for 90 minutes.

Got 1/2 price tickets to Phantom of the Opera!  We then walked to Central Park.  I have never really explored the park before, so that was pretty cool.  Starbucks hot cocoa does wonders when you're frozen, too.   We also stopped for a tunnel performance by a woman in some sort of Lady-Gaga-inspired lighted tutu outfit and her male counterpart with lighted boots.  They did some sort of ritual where they touched each other at different places on their arms, screamed nonsense words, sang operatic notes, burned incense, waved a wind tunnel instrument over a candle, and played the violin. We left when we figured satan would come out of the ground any second.

 I made sure to give the girls a tour of the Carnegie Deli (my fave) on our way back to Times Square.  We also saw Carnegie Hall and Radio City Music Hall.

The Church has recently put up all these ads in Times Square.  It was really awesome!

We ate at the Hard Rock Cafe (remind me to post the pic here) for dinner.  NYC on a Saturday in December is second only to London's Harrods on a Saturday in December.  You can barely walk down the street because it is SO crowded!  We waited for an hour for our table... at 3:30pm (pretty good, actually - though still weird for mid-afternoon), but the wait was 45 minutes at McDonalds anyway.

Ashley wanted to grab some earrings from Kate Spade on 5th before we left for Boston in the morning.  We had 1/2 hour before we had to be at the play.  We were 1.5 miles away from the store, but right by the theater, so we decided to take a taxi.  Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

As if we could get a taxi in that crowd!  We hailed every one we saw as we made our way up to 5th Avenue, and then arrived there before a single taxi stopped.  We tried Saks to no avail, then had 10 minutes to get back to the theater a mile away.  We were shoulder-to-shoulder with the crowds and couldn't move.  No taxis available.  A Pedi-Cab Rickshaw driver spotted us.  Eeeeeek.

"You girls need a ride?"  "NO, absolutely not."  "You sure?"  We thought for a moment and decided he might be our only hope.  "How fast can you get us to Times Square?"  "Five minutes.  This is the fastest way to go."  Ummmm fine.  We hopped in and had no idea what was going to happen next.

You can't see the tears streaming down my face or the hands clenched in terror.  Anyone ever taken one of these?  No, you're probably all too sensible for that.  We were screaming and laughing and lizzing.  At one point, there was a taxi bumper basically under my leg.  We almost killed a 90-yr-old who screamed "Oh!  You startled me!" and we watched her life pass before her eyes.  We were yelled at in entirely F-words from pedestrians we ran over or cut off.  We were honked at.  We were bracing for imminent death.

We got there in five minutes.

Still shaking, we recognized the two women behind us in line for the theater looked LDS.  We were right.  They were the second group we spotted that day and talked to.  The first group was in Central Park.  The next group was also at the play with us and had us take their picture afterward.  It was pretty funny.  Sometimes you just can tell.

The play was awesome, of course.  I was sitting on the edge of my seat!  I actually mean that figuratively and literally, since my long legs did not fit in that crammed theater, and I had to put the seat cushion up and lean on it while basically standing for the entire second half.  Good thing we were on the back row of the orchestra seats so I could do that.

Sunday - Jessica and Marissa stayed in NYC to see more sites (Jess had never been before).  Ashley and I took a day trip to Boston to see friends and family.  Ryan was leaving for a business trip right after Sacrament Meeting, so if I wanted to see him and make it to church, we had to get there by 10:30am to drop off Ashley and make my way to Belmont.  We left Scarsdale late at 8am.  The distance is about 200 miles and is supposed to take 3.5 hours.

We made it in 2.5.

I got to see Ryan and go to Sacrament Meeting with them!  I then took a nap and played with the kids once they got home.  Marissa was kind enough to let me eat dinner with them and hang out for a while.  Those kids are so stinkin' cute!

Monday - We drove into town and literally onto Canal Street in Chinatown, marking my second time driving in Manhattan.  We parked about 100 feet from the stores where I have been craving a shopping trip for years (since my last one... see here).  We paid $24 to park for two hours, but saved about $60 overall for not taking the train and subway!  I bargained.  I got offended when they said they wanted $150 for my LV bag.  What do they think I am, an amateur?  I laughed in their face.  I got it for $50.  I got one for Kylie at work.  A watch, two other bags, and my perfume.  We even ran into our fourth LDS-looking people.  The Stewart family I grew up with!  Christian won a bowl game that day in Syracuse.  Diane was my YW Leader and I taught Stephanie piano.  The loot:

I was pretty stinking happy.  They all fit in my suitcase.  I was surprised that I didn't go into a single back room this time.  They just open hidden drawers now right in the main part of the store, or have you wait on the street while they bring you the bag you point out in the photo to decide if you want it.  It was super.  

I found myself suppressing the urge to bargain for anything else I bought that day, whether at the airport, Dunkin' Donuts, a vending machine, whatever.  Love.

We drove straight to the airport afterward and made it in like 15 minutes.  It was awesome.  

Thanks, girls, for an awesome vacation!  I will miss our Toyota Yaris, our non-curse-words, and our giggling fits at 2am.