Matt. Matt's so hot.

At Prosper, hilarious messages would hit our voicemail frequently. We were the receptionists, so any call went through us if others were not rung directly or the caller was waiting for over a few minutes for another line. This one was at the end of a Success Story left by a student. I cut out the rest of the message and just kept the best part at the end.



I didn't expect it to happen at BYU, where my line is completely private and only accessible if you dial my direct extension. I will not tell you who this is, though I can see the number it is from and know EXACTLY who left this voicemail. The question is - did she call me on purpose and then didn't realize it was recording a message? Did she bum-dial me on accident in the first place? I don't know, but I had a good laugh. Blackmail.

THE Column.

All yearlong, I anticipate one newspaper article with an almost paralyzing excitement: Miami Herald humor columnist Dave Barry's Year in Review.

The article appears in New Year's newspapers across the country. I was first introduced to Dave's writing in my freshman English class at BYU. He had an entry in one of our textbooks and I read it probably 10 dozen times. I became obsessed with it, reading it out loud and acting it out to everyone I knew, much to their utter annoyance, I'm sure.

I loved it, though, and then found out about his yearly review articles. I know not everyone shares a common sense of humor. I have sat through many painful standup "comedy" routines at talent shows and the like, wondering why the people were laughing.

Dave's humor is spot-on for my likes, however, and I hope you enjoy it too:

http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/01/01/v-fullstory/1992746/dave-barrys-2010-year-in-review.html

So Smrt.

What's that smell?

Something from the toaster oven where I was heating up yesterday's leftovers...

Why does it smell like yummy burrito but a hint of something burning?

Oh. Oops. Let's not repeat the heating incident - also caused by myself - that happened at my last workplace. I think I need a vacation. My brain is fried.
P.S. No, I did not do that on purpose. I just forgot those were in there. Also... I still ate the burrito. Will I die of toxic fumes?

A Rabbit Story

Thanksgiving tidbits:

• I spent three days watching cable TV.
• This included The Mask and Post Grad - both movies I have seen before but would never rent or purchase or choose to watch again unless that was all that was on TV and I was all by myself. Ding ding ding!
• Mom and Dad were in SF with Spence, Ev, and crew.
• My only other brother and his crew stayed in Beantown.
• Heather worked.
• Cousins left after our fantastic 3 degree chillfest in Park City at midnight.
• I actually went into work on a DAY OFF. I had stuff to do - they shut down campus for two days and sent everyone home for the HUGE blizzard - we got 0.00 inches of snow from said blizzard - I came in to get some stuff done.
• Campus flooded.
• Did family history and temple work.
• Um, more cable TV.

I am grateful for the house I live in and the family I did or did not get to see. Grateful for my testimony. Grateful for the Gospel. Grateful for the Atonement. Grateful that I got to hang with HJolley for a bit.

Grateful for anonymous gifts.

On Wednesday, when campus was shut down and nobody was in my office but myself, there was not a gift on my desk.

Monday morning, at 7:30am when I arrived, there was.

No note. Any guesses? Origami rabbits have any hidden meaning? Who would have put it on my desk before 7:30am the day campus opened back up?

Oops.

Bless his heart, there is a student who is a little confused.

One of the student secretaries for the department squealed in laughter one day and decided to share her discovery with me. She was grading papers for a religion class that one of our professors teaches.

The assignment was to choose a scripture, elaborate on it, share it with someone else, and then write about your experience. This was the gist of his paper:

I chose the scripture: "...and he came before me, saying -- Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore, give me thine honor." I really like this scripture because it shows that God loved us so much that He sent His Son so not one soul would be lost. We can all be redeemed and saved. All we need to do is repent, or say "Sorry" to God, and we are forgiven. I just really appreciate that Jesus will save everyone. I shared this scripture with my roommate, who is Catholic, and he really got excited about it! It was awesome to be able to share this new doctrine with him.

So... yeah.... talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing. The secretary had to write something like this on his paper: "Um, actually, that was satan's plan - we have agency and can choose the right or wrong, and we will be redeemed based on that. Jesus actually said all the glory would be to the Father, not himself."

I hope he's not too embarrassed when he gets it back. It's an honest mistake... except for the fact that the wording of the scripture right before he began his quote shows: "That satan, ...."

I'm glad his catholic roommate got excited about this "new" doctrine.

Glee Fail

I used to be a fan of Glee. I loved it. The music, the drama, the comedy.

Hellooooooooooooo Hellywood.

They are so foul and disrespectful and sacrilegious now that I cannot watch anymore.

I had to turn off the past few episodes after the first 10 minutes or so. Thanks guys. Way to be complete satan-spawn. I am officially done with you.

Anyone agree? I know I can be a total prude, but I could die of delight watching episodes of Arrested Development, Seinfeld, or Modern Family, all of which contain questionable stuff sometimes. Glee just went too far.

P.S. anyone else bugged by the fact that Glee songs have more billboard hits than anyone in history, and their songs are all unoriginal?

Soapbox. I conclude this rant.

Oh, but... I'm still going to be Sue Sylvester for Halloween.... Yikes.

Gems of Engineers

I have heard the following things or read them in an email in the past few weeks:

• "I don't want to be a pestimic.... but this assignment isn't benefishing my career."
• "I think you are doing a great job as the new administrative assistant and realize that you are mostly doing what Dr. Todd and Sorenson are asking you to do. However, you might try and think about how to ask the teams when and where they are meeting in a different way so that it does not come across as big brother watching."
• "We are not comparing you to Vauna. In fact, the other day, we were talking about this, and Bob said, 'but Lindsey is fast.'" (sounds like comparing me is EXACTLY what you were doing)
• "You are from Orem? Interesting. The music you're listening to... I just... don't really expect someone from Orem to listen to that." me: what, top 40? "Yeah." me: what did you expect, Classical? "Yeah."
• "What type of a watch is that? It's really awesome." me: what do you mean? "Like, Rolex?" me, looking at the dial, where he is looking, where it clearly says the designer's name: um no... it's just a fashion designer.
• me, a hundred times: Have a great day! or... Have a great weekend! or... Thank you! and "[crickets chirping]" from them every day
• This actually happened to a secretary in the department, not me: "Hi. Here's what I don't like about you."
• "I like your bobble-doll."
  

Dear engineers: Please take some social lessons. Love, Linz