For a moment, I was Lois Lane.

Picture her with blonde hair, and that is ME! Yesterday, Dan Dan Superman came to my ward and offered to escort me to Relief Society. Uhh, what? You are wonderful. I felt like I was wrapped in his cape and we were flying through the church. He asked if I will be at volleyball on Tuesday and said he might come for it. Sigh.

You might think I'm getting my hopes up, but I assure you, I am NOT. I saw the greatest movie of all time on Saturday and believe you me, I know that Superman is just not that into me. I am totally okay with this. Just because he's not into me doesn't mean I can't look at him, right? Also, I am fully aware that I will never ever ever have a chance with this man and I am completely okay with that as well.

FYI, this was his last girlfriend:
Okay, that is Megan Fox from Transformers, but I swear they are identical. I'm okay with this. I have accepted it. I cannot wait for volleyball night.

Hubba, Hubba, Hubby tag

I was tagged from Kim's post for Husband Tag.

Neither of us has a husband, so Kim changed the questions around a bit so that we could do a fairytale post about what we wish would happen instead of what has happened. Although I already know I am the future Mrs. John Krasinski, I thought this would be fun.

1. Where will you meet? He will come to my door as a response to hearing about my facebook confession to daydreaming about it. I will drop what I'm doing and he will kiss me.

2. How long will you date before you get married? Oh THAT'S why I'm not married! You have to DATE first!!! Uhhh probably three weeks. That's how my parents did it. Worked great for them.

3. Where will he propose? At a gas station halfway between here and the studio where they film the Office. It will be raining and I will give him a hard time for making me drive a little farther than he had to. Then he'll get down on one knee.

4. Where will you get married? Mt. Timpanogos Temple.

5. How long will you be married? For eternity duh. (Kim's answer was good enough to keep)

6. What will be your favorite feature of his? Just one? Oh man! Uhh his smile!!!

7. What will his best quality be? His sense of humor. I do realize I have an edwardcullenesque obsession with him. It's all in good fun... unlike the Twilight readers... they are for real... and it scares me.

8. Will he have a nickname for you? I'm not allowed to share it.

9. What will his favorite food be? Big tuna sandwiches. or ham and cheese.

10. Favorite sport? Dunderball

11. Where will you have your first kiss? in my office after a party.

12. Who will say I love you first? He will, in the parking lot, right before kissing me in my office after the party.

13. What will you like to do together? watching movies, going out to eat, raising our 10 beautiful children

14. Will you have any kids? Oh wow! What a coinkadink! I'm already painting the nursery!

15. What will his favorite music be? anything we sing together.

16. What will you admire most about him? The way he can make me smile even on a rough day, how he can make me cry more than anyone on the earth (not hurtful tears), making me laugh, and his sweet heart. I love this man.

He's Just Not That Into Me?

So, two years ago almost exactly, I was crushing on a boy named Brady and Carli had a crush too. We were convinced that these boys just had a few things holding them back from dating us, such as shyness or a (cough, cough) girlfriend. Certainly they liked us and wanted to date us. That was obvious.....

Not so obvious to our female, estrogen-based (il)logical minds, however, was the fact that if they were actually into us, they would be dating us.

I had heard about a book from my friend Tamara at work. She read it and told me it changed her life. She changed all her perceptions and then got married soon thereafter because she stopped wasting her time with boys who weren't worth her time and Andrew came along. The rest is history.

I told Carli about this book and we checked it out from the Orem Public Library. It was seriously fantastic. If you can edit out the f-words and skip the chapters about (cough, cough) physical relations, then it's a great read. Carli and I read it out loud to each other and our parents, and made some realizations along the way. The book is written in a format where women submit letters to the author, telling him that their guy wants to date them except for one little detail. The letters are made up by the author, but he answers them in the book as well. Oh man, think of ANY excuse you have EVER made for why a guy who is supposedly into you is not dating you. He wrote about it in the book. It was hilarious and hard-to-take at some points.

I even found myself saying, "No, but he REALLY is shy!!!" and my family laughed at me. That's exactly what these women are saying in their letters. The author was a writer on Sex and the City and was so sick of hearing these excuses from all the female employees there. He wasn't just bugged at the women complaining, he was bugged that they did not think they deserved more.

The book is a booster too, because he basically says that we have wasted our time with these barneys and that if a guy wants to date a girl, no matter how shy, busy, taken, stupid, ridiculous he is, he will go for it. So, we need to just look for those guys. The guys who actually do ask us out and date us are actually into us, and guess what? Nobody else is! Deal with it and move on!

Okay, so Carli and I LOVED this book and I highly recommend it for any single girl. It really changed how I perceive guys. Instead of holding on after rejection and taking months to get over a guy, I drop it like it's hot if he's not making any moves and I move on. My last... crush... lasted a long time and I did hold on for a long time, but once we finally talked about it and I found out he was not into me, I let go and it only took weeks to get over it. It's not worth it, you know?

OKAY, the WHOLE point of this rant is that they have made a movie (PTL!!!) based on the book, and it comes out on FRIDAY!!!!!!!! I CANNOT STINKIN' WAIT!

Fortunate Experience?

I know this blog is turning more and more into Dan and the Lady Folk, the blog we used to stalk until he got married and now his wife runs it. I understand that, but this was a funny thing that happened last night at P.F. Chang's, so I wanted to share.

Where to start.... May of 2008... I sat in Sunday School for the second time in my new ward and the guy I had been checking out all during the previous hour sat right next to me. I did something I've never done nor have done since, but I wanted to say it. He made small talk and then I asked, "Can I tell you something embarrassing without it being awkward?" "Yeah sure, I'm never awkward." "You are really good-looking." WHAT? Ok. He said, "Wow, thanks, what's your name?" We chatted through Sunday School and he is just absolutely gorgeous and completely down-to-earth. Apparently he was having some hard times so the compliment came at the right time. He was touched. So, we became friends and he invited me to a bonfire and stuff like that. Then I found out he had an on-again-off-again girlfriend. HOTT. Dangit. Finally, after he wanted to marry her, she dumped Mr. Perfect and his broken heart slowly healed.

Okay that was drama. ANYWAY, then he moved out of the ward and I still see him occasionally, my little pseudo-crush creeping up here and there. For Denise's birthday last night, we went to P.F. Chang's and he came. I knew it would make her night for him to be there, so I invited him. It made mine too. ;) He sat next to me. We talked about the new charity he is doing work for on Sunday nights in SLC, all the perfectness of his life and looks, and I swear my heart sank.

After a dinner of flirting and laughing and wishing and hoping, we opened our Fortune Cookies. Kid you not, this is what Dan Dan Superman's (great nickname I picked out for him, eh?) fortune cookie said:

"Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you."

Man, never did words ring more true! He showed Denise before he showed me, and they giggled for a bit before he finally handed it to me with a sly smile. I read it and beamed. Since Joel was on his other side, I figured the cookie meant me. Ohhhhh if only!

The More Boys I Meet, the More I Love My Dog

Carrie Underwood said it best, for sure. However, I do have a silly crush right now, I will have to admit. This particular one got me thinking, Why do I always fall for the weird ones?

Since this blog is a secret to most people, I decided I could write this post and not offend anyone. Bless their hearts, everyone is a Child of God and I am trying to not be so judgmental. Having said that, I want to remember all the boys I have liked who possess certain attributes I would not normally find attractive. Why is it then, that I fall for them? I think everyone has their quirks, so maybe I just rationalize through that.

Now you probably know I am not a reader. I do not enjoy fiction. I will never pick up vampire romance novels or pop culture witchcraft books. In the past month or so, however, my group of friends has disbanded and I am bored and lonely all the time. My sister got the book Austenland for Christmas. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! Soooo cute! A quick read, I laughed, cried, and smiled the whole way. If you are obsessed with Mr. Darcy or Jane Austen books at all, read it. It is hilarious. I AM JANE, the main character and narrator of Austenland. I related to her perfectly. Since she started each chapter with a brief synopsis of her "boyfriends" or any guy she ever liked, I decided to do the same on my blog.

1. Austin, age 6:
Austin Pratt was in my ward and Kindergarten class. Our moms took turns with the carpool. I wrote myself love notes from him and signed them with his name. My brothers found them. You can imagine the humiliation that ensued. Also, his beautiful mother, Kelley, teased him one day in the car when she mentioned he told her I was his girlfriend. Wow!!! I only needed to share him with one girl, too! Valerie was also his girlfriend. :( All I really remember about him was that he always looked like he had a red Kool-Aid mustache and dry lips. I think now that it was eczema. Gross. Good thing we didn't kiss! He moved, got into drugs (probably because he missed me so much), and I have never seen him since, but I heard he is doing better.

2. Zach, age 8:

Zachary Richardson lived across the street from me when we moved into the Orem house and I know he has forgotten all about this, but will probably hear about it from someone who finds this blog. Good thing he's married now with children! I would sit on my parents' balcony with Heather's My First Sony, my Aladdin tape, and sing "A Whole New World" to him, wherever he was. I sat like Jasmine on the magic carpet. Once, I saw him in a towel and he saw me and closed his blinds at lightening speed. When he was out of town, I jumped on my trampoline, proclaiming my love for him (since he was gone and wouldn't find out!). Luckily, the other neighbor boys heard and told him as soon as he got back. I remember walking into the science room, Adam Olsen greeting me with, "Lindsey, we hear you like Zach." "Umm, no, where would you get a crazy idea like that?" As I made my way across the room, I literally saw the rumor spread from child to child to child to Zach. Oops. I also rode my bike by his house, trying to show off by standing up on the pedals. What would happen if I slammed on the brakes right now? Yep. I dropped the bike like hotcakes, ran to my bathroom, and bawled my eyes out at the pain from hitting the bar with my... pelvis.... A girl in my ward delivered a love note to me, saying it was from Zach, and I read it over and over and over before realizing it was in her handwriting. We weren't friends after that. Zach soon moved away and was/is perfectly normal. I just tell this story because it's a funny one for me to remember.

3. (here's where we need to start masking the names a little bit) Rich (Darth Vader), age 13-16
He's the one in the rainbow hat. Yep. Hence, he made today's list.

Only Andrea will understand the meaning behind that nickname. Wow I really fell for this one. He sang in a band, wore clothespins in his hair during concerts, bleached his hair and wore it spiky or "whooshed, " and I couldn't have loved it more. I was crushing on this one for about three years, and let's just say, he was a little boy and not entirely honest with me or kind. Darth hacked into our email accounts, changed his hairstyle 5893839292 times, only talked with me over IM, even when sitting next to each other, and wore Dickies brand pants every day. We stopped speaking when he told me I was annoying and he never wanted to be my friend in the first place. I've met his wife and seen him a few times in the past few years.

4. Aaron Henrichsen, age 24 - "the Judge" as Spencer called him

This picture is of a LARP group....

Oh boy. Settlers of Catan addict, Halo addict, bald, Ultimate Frisbee enthusiast, deep-in-it gamer/role-player (Live-Action Role Playing, or LARP), heartbreaker to every girl in the ward (we are all still confused about that one...), and I honestly thought he was the "one". I was 18. Once I realized how much I did NOT want to be with him, he asked me out. The date was a carnival, where each couple competed for literally beans, through games such as 3-D Twister, bobbing for apples, and bean tossing. The beans were then used as auction currency, to purchase various items for use in the evening's finale, the covered egg drop. I saw him in the creamery a few years ago and he literally ran away from me and Heather Beck as we went up to say hi.

5. Nate, age 24 - "Wolf Shirt" was our nickname for himWe loved all the same things and went out several times in one week, and when I went to introduce him to my cousin Kiera, I said, "Oh, here he comes. Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh what is he wearing??? Oh Kiera, don't look. Let's not greet him... oh dang.... Oh Hi Nate!" When I teased him about the shirt when he wore it at least two more times, he left my apartment and went to his girlfriend's apartment, who I had not known about. She later moved into our ward and chastised how I lead music saying she couldn't "even feel the Spirit." She was also waiting in the car when he came over to pick up his Valentine from me. They dated for a year and then she went on a mission and I still see him every now and then, still single.

6. Danny Harding, age 24
Libertarian, and loved Ralph Nader as well. He honestly believed President Bush put bombs in the twin towers. Apparently a kissing slut, he made me feel really stupid when I thought we were exclusive. Saw each other at Macaroni Grill and he told me he "lost" my number and asked for it again, five months after we "dissolved". He works at Albertsons now at the Wells Fargo banking center and I walk by him without looking a few times a month. My mom talked to him and found out he's married. Awesome.

7. Lance, age 27
We're still friends, so I can't really make fun of him, but he definitely has his quirks, cannot play one single sport, is a WoW player (for those of you who are less-cultured, that stands for World of Warcraft), and writes comics for a living. He knows how dorky he is, and admits it regularly, so I can blog about it without feeling too guilty. Those of you who know me well know the whole story.

8. Mystery Man, age 25Canadian. That would suffice, but there's more...Martial Arts, wears a chain necklace, Canadian, likes UFC, picture of himself on facebook in the mirror with no shirt, Canadian. The problem with this one is... he makes me feel great about myself, which is a new one (see past 6 boys). It is more and more important to me as the days go on, so more quirks are allowed (I guess?). He also sings like Frank Sinatra and I melt when he smiles at me. He also gave me one of the best compliments ever... After he heard me sing in church, and we were chatting about losing at the dating game all the time, he said, "Please, all you have to do is sing to a guy, and you're in. By the way, you were amazing in your number on Sunday. I am musical, and it was good to hear real quality." Wow...

What attracts me to these guys?!?!!??!?!?

"No Introduction Necessary"

I got to go on quite a date Saturday night with a boy in my ward, Justin. This was one of those pick-a-name-take-them-out scenarios, and it was great because Justin and I get along really well and are great friends. I knew we'd have a good time without any drama or awkward-asking-for-a-second-date trash. What I DID NOT know was that it would be the best night of our lives... well, at least Justin's.

I took him to the Cheesecake Factory in Murray since he has never been there and I love it. We put our name down and they said the wait was 85-90 minutes. HOLY DANG! I told Justin that the whole purpose of the date was CF, so we were going to wait it out by walking around Fashion Place Mall.

We spent some time sitting in massage chairs and checking out the latest gadgets at Brookstone, then got sick of it and walked around some more. As we passed Zales Diamond Store, I saw a black man with a posse, and he was dressed like a pimp. Long green coat all the way to the floor, sunglasses in the shape of hearts, with diamonds... a staff in one hand and a chalice in the other, which was encrusted with diamonds. A green top hat, and hand bling that said "Magic" on one hand and "Juan" on the other. His posse was not nearly as ridiculously dressed as he was, but were still tough-looking and very non-Utahn.

I turned to Justin, "Look at that guy. Who does he think he is?!?!" I thought that he was a local, just being silly at the mall. They also had a posse member video-recording everything. Justin beamed from head to toe. He said, "Lindsey, Lindsey... do you know who that is?! That is the personal spiritual advisor to Snoop Dogg!" I laughed... but he was serious, and apparently correct.

So, I knew nobody would think this was as funny unless we had pictures to prove it. "Justin, I would totally go take pictures with them if I wasn't so afraid of getting jumped." "Jumped?! No way! These guys are the best KIND of black guys!" "Okay, let's do it."

So Justin and I walked up to them and the video camera went immediately on me! Okay! Justin said, "Hey man, can I have a picture?" and Bishop said, "Yeah, man, come here," to which one of the posse members remarked, "No introduction necessary." Nope, not for Justin. He knew EXACTLY who Archbishop Don "Magic" Juan was! After I snapped a photo, they walked away! I realized I didn't have a photo! Dangit, is that so lame to follow them and ask for one for me as well? Shoot shoot shoot what do I do? WHAT DO I DO?! Luckily, they stopped for a minute and I walked right up to them, being brave, and noticed a posse member with a BYU Cougars t-shirt on over his real clothes. I laughed and said, "Hey man, nice shirt." "Oh thanks, you know, I just bought it over there. I spilled something on my other shirt!" I thought to myself, "Wow, you have no clue what you're wearing." Maybe he's a cougar fan at heart. Then, I, Lindsey Michelle Andersen, walked up to the man himself, the archbishop, and said, "Hey, can I have a picture?" He snuggled right up to me and said YES! Justin snapped the photo, but sadly it is blurry. Sorry everyone.


The story continues. Don't you worry. After my photo shoot with the Don Juan-ster, another posse member leaned over to us with a card and said, "Hey, did you guys get an invitation to the party tonight?" Yep. That's right. We were then handed a flyer with a picture of Don on both sides, dressed in his pimp gear. The party was for a birthday for some guy named "Country Chris" and was in downtown SLC that night. It was appropriately labeled "The 1st Annual Players and Playettes" Party. By this time, we needed to get back to CF in case our dinner time was ready, so we said thank you and left.

The food was great, and it added to the glory of the night. Justin told me over and over that this was the best day of his life. HAHA! So, as we were driving away from the mall/restaurant, both yawning and sniffling because of our colds, I decided to make the night even more fun. "So, Justin, you have a choice. We can go home, or we can go check out the party." You can guess what we did.

We parked a block away from the party and walked over near the club. A few guys tried to stop us about half a block away but we just walked on. "Hey, hey you guys! Where you goin'?!" Justin replied, "Uh, this way." "Hey hey, you guys goin' to the party?" "Um well we got an invitation from Don himself" "Yeah man, you gotta go" but when we got up there, it was closed off, with bouncers out front. We just kept walking and went back to the car. Oh it was fun, though.

You can check out his official site to see more gloriousness, but the homepage is a little risque. Might just want to click on the biography or photo gallery or something. I'm glad I was with his biggest fan, Justin, and that even moms doing their shopping asked Justin who the guy was because he obviously knew.

More Favorites from the Cruise

1. While we were driving in the shuttle back to our car, Tori tried to say goodbye to Carli since she won't see her until Christmas once she hit the airport. At the same time, we drove by a Gentleman's Club with a large sign that simply read, "NUDE"... she looked up and read the sign out loud, but it came out like this:
"Carli, see you in a couple weeks, man. Nuuuude."
Don't worry, there was another family in the shuttle with us, with little kids. It took us all a minute to realize what happened.

2. "We need to find Frank a wife for these cruises." - me... opening my big fat mouth before thinking, like I always do.... then I looked at Tori and Carli with eyes like, "What did I just say? I am an idiot."

3. Everything on the cruise that was awesome was saluted by Tori saying, "Ooster what? Dammmmmm!"

4. I apologize for the spelling errors in the last post. I am too lazy to fix them and I don't even know where to start.

5. These will only make sense to Tori, Spence, and Carli, but... Take an L, Drop a D, etc.

6. FBPP, FBQW, etc. My friend Adam yelled during volleyball last night, just to get a reaction out of me, "FBPP!"

7. To clarify, Matt was the one who drove my car. I never said which guy it was.

8. Matt hooked up with his girl, and we're all very excited for him!

9. Carli's porn-star photos that she uploaded onto facebook.

10. Carli getting caught taking pictures on her own camera of the Carnival pictures available for purchase, then the guy taking her camera and erasing them and almost arresting her.

11. I was restless at 2am one night and went for a walk along the ship. I went on the deck in my flip-flops, slid on water, and gracefully jacked up both my knees when I fell on them. They still hurt sometimes. I'm sure I looked drunk.

12. "This is us sober!" - we yelled that about every time we were being crazy.