Va-Va-VOOMaceys

Wow. Funny experience last night.... So I went to Walgreens to check out some lip color. I never put color on my lips. I usually hate it. I never find a good color and I don't like how it looks or feels. I have heard some people comment that I should try a bright red and that I could pull it off. So, I wanted to experiment a little.

As I went up to the checkout stand, the man at the counter rang up my purchases and a manager came over and showed him when to take lunch breaks, how to sign out for the day, etc. I could tell he must be new. I saw his name tag which said, "Amber" and I laughed, deducing that he had to borrow a coworker's name tag for the day. I said, "Is your name really Amber?" with a grin on my face. "Yes. I am from different country." ohhhhhh

I was so flustered, I took the receipt I just signed and wanted to run out. He said, "Wait, I need dat, ma'am." I giggled uncomfortably and handed him the signed receipt and ran out.

"Ma'am, your bag!" Yeah... I am dumb. I had to come back and get my products.

I purchased three different lip colors with different effects (all-day lip color matte, gloss, and stain). I can return anything I don't like, so it was a harmless shopping spree. Wrong. I drove over to Maceys to buy some ice cream for the fam on my way home and decided to try the new color out before going in. Why? Because I am an idiot. I am not used to doing this... I wasn't thinking... Daylight Savings Time really does a number on my brain every year... So I put it on in the car, in the dark, with just my mirror lights. It looked great! Isn't that color lovely and bright? I liked it. I felt confident. I walked into Maceys with head held high.

I decided that since it was bright in the store, I should check out the bathroom mirror. As I passed a Hispanic man who stared me down, I felt like maybe it might be a little much. I walked into the bathroom and gasped. I should've taken a photo, but I wasn't thinking (DST again). Holy cow. Not bright. Not red. Dark, dark, purple/red lips and teeth. I looked absolutely genuinely hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing the rest of the night because guess what. It was the all-day lipcolor that will not come off for 16 hours. Why did I try that one first? Because I am a moron.

So, I just decided to do my shopping, act like I just came from a dance performance or theatrical play, and get it done and over with. As I walked up to the checkout line, I noticed Uncle Tom two customers up from me, buying his groceries. I yelled, "Tom!" and he looked at me for a minute then, loudly asked, "Hey sugar, what are you doin' tonight? Woooo!" I laughed and said, "Do NOT mention this lipstick! I was trying out a new color, it looks different on me than on the box, and I can't get it off!!!" He just kept going! "Wooo, hot stuff, hey good lookin', what are your plans?"

So there I was, getting hit on by a 50-year-old, with my Vaudeville lips in a grocery store. Then the sweet older woman in front of me turned to me and said something about how I'm not old enough to wear lipstick.

Was this really happening? Can't I just run out of here yet?

So then Tom holds up the line for a while and the older woman leaves, so I get to move up in line. The guy in front of me has just come from a run, obviously, and was in his workout clothes, with earphones in and iPod playing. I thought it was peculiar how his wallet, keys, and phone were all on the conveyor belt. What was he doing? Ohhhhhh... covering up what he was purchasing..... the few letters I could make out said TROJ..... AHHHHhhhh. Mr. embarrassed!

Tom finally gets done and the man in front of me removes his personal items, uncovering the scandalous purchase. The cashier then takes the ... box... and puts it on my ice cream, thinking we were together.

Okay, kids. Could this 15-minute visit get any more awkward??!?!

So he yells from his head-phoned-deafness "Ohhh those are SEPARATE!" I could also see an attempted laser tattoo removal on his arm. Wow! Exciting times in Orem, Utah!

So that was embarrassing

Finally, I got my purchases and headed home, where I laughed for a while. The lipcolor came off with eye makeup remover and I tried the two other colors, which I love. :)

& telley kereep!

Last night was tough. Give me a break. I have been sick, okay? Last night was especially tough, though I will not go into details on the blog. (Trust me). So, it's no surprise that i fell asleep while writing in my journal, right? Have you ever done this? It is always funny to read the next morning. I did a double-take on it this morning when I saw the slanted writing. When I picked it up to read, I remembered that I had fallen asleep while writing. I was SOBBING uncontrollably from laughing at this journal entry. I scanned it in for you to enjoy, and for those of you who cannot read my handwriting, I have typed up what I think it says. This journal is more of a "How I saw the Hand of the Lord in my life today" journal, so it's normal for me to put what I'm grateful for. I did not work out yesterday, by the way. I must have dreamed that one. Click the picture to enlarge.
My interpretation:

3/4/09 - I am so grateful for a good day, all we were able to do & get done, workout, a bit. I am so grateFirst & telley kereep any cove. I am so coutter. Tlhanks.

Uhhh... I have no explanation. Honestly. I have no idea what I even meant. I like how the "F" on "First" has three horizontal lines.

I am convinced that this is some secret Da-Vinci-Code-esque language that has been locked in my subconscious for 10 years. Maybe I need a complete psychological evaluation by a professional to unlock the secrets of my mind and uncover this deep mystery.

That "Thanks" (spelled Tlhanks) at the end kills me. Thanks? Thanks.

Tlhanks for reading, everyone.

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, I need, I need!

I saw these shoes in a photo and want them sooo bad. Thankfully, I know that I would be seven feet tall and 100 dollars poorer if I were to purchase them, so I will not. I ask for your help then. If you can find these in a shorter heel and a cheap price, I want to be the first to know. Size 9, 9.5, or 10. Any will work. :) I do not have a thing for Elvis (Blue Suede Shoes!), but I just have a thing for these cobalt pumps! I even had a dream about them the other night. Normally I would hate the color and suede and style... but they look so hot on.

The originals are from Steve Madden. Shoe name: Trinitie.

He just might not be into you if....

Okay, since the movie and book of "He's Just Not That Into You" use some pretty worldly suggestions (if he's not sleeping with you, if he's sleeping with someone else, etc), I decided to benefit my LDS single girlfriends by writing the book from a Mormon standpoint. I also decided to incorporate Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck If..." into my post, to make it easily understandable.

I also will preface this by letting you know that I am taking every single one of these examples from my own personal life. These scenarios actually occurred, and you are getting them straight from the source. You will see how much guys really are not into me. HAha...

Let's have a contest to see who can list the most boys I am referring to here. Please do not comment about it for the world to see, just email me. :)

1. That boy in your Singles' Ward might not be into you if....
He holds your hand on a date and you've been out several times, you're soulmates, he compliments you all the time, but then holds the hand of a different girl on a different date the next day and marries her.

2. That boy who is your 7th roommate might not be into you if.....
He gets in tickle fights with you every night until 4am, grills you on what kind of mother you'll be and how many kids you want, then mentions Shelly is on his list of girls to date, then tells Sharon she's not pretty enough or book smart enough for him even though they're dating, and only asked you out ONCE, after a few other girls turned him down.

3. That boy who you went out with several times in one week might not be into you if....
he has a girlfriend.

4. On a side-note, that girlfriend might not be that into you if she tells you that you are horrible at leading the music in Sacrament Meeting.

5. That boy at work might not be into you if....
He sees you going to fill up your water bottle in the break room and you can count down the seconds before he'll show up so you two can talk and he can fill up his water bottle (even if it's not empty) every single time, stops at your desk to tell you what happened to him that day, chats online with you for hours and writes you notes during meetings, then doesn't call you when you give him your phone number when he quits.

6. That boy you met at a party might not be into you if....
You meet up for lunch every day on campus and start dating, kissing, holding hands, asking what to get each other for Christmas, and then tells you he doesn't want to be exclusive and you don't get the Christmas gift or go out with him again.

7. That boy you've been dating might not be into you if....
He hasn't kissed you or held your hand, won't hug you at the end of dates, you pick out his furniture, know things about him nobody else does, best friends, talk all day every day until you get together to do something, he calls you when he's traveling, forgets your birthday, makes you move over for another girl to sit by him on the couch, and tells you he's just not that into you.

8. That boy you rebounded on from #7 might not be that into you if....
You get pretty close, he tells #7 to treat you better and that what he did was wrong, wants to go to movies with you alone, then texts a girl 10 years his junior while on a date with you and disses your dog.

9. That boy you rebounded on from #8 might not be that into you if....
He tells you you're hot, that you have a singing voice to get to men's hearts, makes sure you'll be at activities before he goes, invites you to attend Temple Prep since that's where he goes for fun, invites himself over for Sunday dinner then says no when you invite him, leaves his jacket at your house after choir even though it's -35 degrees outside, comes back to get it that night, and STILL HAS NOT ASKED YOU OUT.

10. That boy you only refer to as a superhero might not be that into you if....
He invited you to a bonfire but had a girlfriend, escorted you to Relief Society, asked politely to sit with you in Sacrament Meeting, got a fortune cookie about the happiness he would find with you, compliments your voice after singing hymns and your prayer after offering the invocation, doesn't show up to volleyball after he mentioned he might show up, and STILL HAS NOT ASKED YOU OUT. GET OVER IT. He's not into you.



I know it all seems so crystal clear when you're looking at my problems. Let's see if you find similarities here to help you in your own quest to find the one guy who is worth it to you because he is TOTALLY into you. And girls remember, you are NOT the exception. You are the RULE.

For a moment, I was Lois Lane.

Picture her with blonde hair, and that is ME! Yesterday, Dan Dan Superman came to my ward and offered to escort me to Relief Society. Uhh, what? You are wonderful. I felt like I was wrapped in his cape and we were flying through the church. He asked if I will be at volleyball on Tuesday and said he might come for it. Sigh.

You might think I'm getting my hopes up, but I assure you, I am NOT. I saw the greatest movie of all time on Saturday and believe you me, I know that Superman is just not that into me. I am totally okay with this. Just because he's not into me doesn't mean I can't look at him, right? Also, I am fully aware that I will never ever ever have a chance with this man and I am completely okay with that as well.

FYI, this was his last girlfriend:
Okay, that is Megan Fox from Transformers, but I swear they are identical. I'm okay with this. I have accepted it. I cannot wait for volleyball night.

Hubba, Hubba, Hubby tag

I was tagged from Kim's post for Husband Tag.

Neither of us has a husband, so Kim changed the questions around a bit so that we could do a fairytale post about what we wish would happen instead of what has happened. Although I already know I am the future Mrs. John Krasinski, I thought this would be fun.

1. Where will you meet? He will come to my door as a response to hearing about my facebook confession to daydreaming about it. I will drop what I'm doing and he will kiss me.

2. How long will you date before you get married? Oh THAT'S why I'm not married! You have to DATE first!!! Uhhh probably three weeks. That's how my parents did it. Worked great for them.

3. Where will he propose? At a gas station halfway between here and the studio where they film the Office. It will be raining and I will give him a hard time for making me drive a little farther than he had to. Then he'll get down on one knee.

4. Where will you get married? Mt. Timpanogos Temple.

5. How long will you be married? For eternity duh. (Kim's answer was good enough to keep)

6. What will be your favorite feature of his? Just one? Oh man! Uhh his smile!!!

7. What will his best quality be? His sense of humor. I do realize I have an edwardcullenesque obsession with him. It's all in good fun... unlike the Twilight readers... they are for real... and it scares me.

8. Will he have a nickname for you? I'm not allowed to share it.

9. What will his favorite food be? Big tuna sandwiches. or ham and cheese.

10. Favorite sport? Dunderball

11. Where will you have your first kiss? in my office after a party.

12. Who will say I love you first? He will, in the parking lot, right before kissing me in my office after the party.

13. What will you like to do together? watching movies, going out to eat, raising our 10 beautiful children

14. Will you have any kids? Oh wow! What a coinkadink! I'm already painting the nursery!

15. What will his favorite music be? anything we sing together.

16. What will you admire most about him? The way he can make me smile even on a rough day, how he can make me cry more than anyone on the earth (not hurtful tears), making me laugh, and his sweet heart. I love this man.

He's Just Not That Into Me?

So, two years ago almost exactly, I was crushing on a boy named Brady and Carli had a crush too. We were convinced that these boys just had a few things holding them back from dating us, such as shyness or a (cough, cough) girlfriend. Certainly they liked us and wanted to date us. That was obvious.....

Not so obvious to our female, estrogen-based (il)logical minds, however, was the fact that if they were actually into us, they would be dating us.

I had heard about a book from my friend Tamara at work. She read it and told me it changed her life. She changed all her perceptions and then got married soon thereafter because she stopped wasting her time with boys who weren't worth her time and Andrew came along. The rest is history.

I told Carli about this book and we checked it out from the Orem Public Library. It was seriously fantastic. If you can edit out the f-words and skip the chapters about (cough, cough) physical relations, then it's a great read. Carli and I read it out loud to each other and our parents, and made some realizations along the way. The book is written in a format where women submit letters to the author, telling him that their guy wants to date them except for one little detail. The letters are made up by the author, but he answers them in the book as well. Oh man, think of ANY excuse you have EVER made for why a guy who is supposedly into you is not dating you. He wrote about it in the book. It was hilarious and hard-to-take at some points.

I even found myself saying, "No, but he REALLY is shy!!!" and my family laughed at me. That's exactly what these women are saying in their letters. The author was a writer on Sex and the City and was so sick of hearing these excuses from all the female employees there. He wasn't just bugged at the women complaining, he was bugged that they did not think they deserved more.

The book is a booster too, because he basically says that we have wasted our time with these barneys and that if a guy wants to date a girl, no matter how shy, busy, taken, stupid, ridiculous he is, he will go for it. So, we need to just look for those guys. The guys who actually do ask us out and date us are actually into us, and guess what? Nobody else is! Deal with it and move on!

Okay, so Carli and I LOVED this book and I highly recommend it for any single girl. It really changed how I perceive guys. Instead of holding on after rejection and taking months to get over a guy, I drop it like it's hot if he's not making any moves and I move on. My last... crush... lasted a long time and I did hold on for a long time, but once we finally talked about it and I found out he was not into me, I let go and it only took weeks to get over it. It's not worth it, you know?

OKAY, the WHOLE point of this rant is that they have made a movie (PTL!!!) based on the book, and it comes out on FRIDAY!!!!!!!! I CANNOT STINKIN' WAIT!