So Smrt.

What's that smell?

Something from the toaster oven where I was heating up yesterday's leftovers...

Why does it smell like yummy burrito but a hint of something burning?

Oh. Oops. Let's not repeat the heating incident - also caused by myself - that happened at my last workplace. I think I need a vacation. My brain is fried.
P.S. No, I did not do that on purpose. I just forgot those were in there. Also... I still ate the burrito. Will I die of toxic fumes?

A Rabbit Story

Thanksgiving tidbits:

• I spent three days watching cable TV.
• This included The Mask and Post Grad - both movies I have seen before but would never rent or purchase or choose to watch again unless that was all that was on TV and I was all by myself. Ding ding ding!
• Mom and Dad were in SF with Spence, Ev, and crew.
• My only other brother and his crew stayed in Beantown.
• Heather worked.
• Cousins left after our fantastic 3 degree chillfest in Park City at midnight.
• I actually went into work on a DAY OFF. I had stuff to do - they shut down campus for two days and sent everyone home for the HUGE blizzard - we got 0.00 inches of snow from said blizzard - I came in to get some stuff done.
• Campus flooded.
• Did family history and temple work.
• Um, more cable TV.

I am grateful for the house I live in and the family I did or did not get to see. Grateful for my testimony. Grateful for the Gospel. Grateful for the Atonement. Grateful that I got to hang with HJolley for a bit.

Grateful for anonymous gifts.

On Wednesday, when campus was shut down and nobody was in my office but myself, there was not a gift on my desk.

Monday morning, at 7:30am when I arrived, there was.

No note. Any guesses? Origami rabbits have any hidden meaning? Who would have put it on my desk before 7:30am the day campus opened back up?

Oops.

Bless his heart, there is a student who is a little confused.

One of the student secretaries for the department squealed in laughter one day and decided to share her discovery with me. She was grading papers for a religion class that one of our professors teaches.

The assignment was to choose a scripture, elaborate on it, share it with someone else, and then write about your experience. This was the gist of his paper:

I chose the scripture: "...and he came before me, saying -- Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore, give me thine honor." I really like this scripture because it shows that God loved us so much that He sent His Son so not one soul would be lost. We can all be redeemed and saved. All we need to do is repent, or say "Sorry" to God, and we are forgiven. I just really appreciate that Jesus will save everyone. I shared this scripture with my roommate, who is Catholic, and he really got excited about it! It was awesome to be able to share this new doctrine with him.

So... yeah.... talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing. The secretary had to write something like this on his paper: "Um, actually, that was satan's plan - we have agency and can choose the right or wrong, and we will be redeemed based on that. Jesus actually said all the glory would be to the Father, not himself."

I hope he's not too embarrassed when he gets it back. It's an honest mistake... except for the fact that the wording of the scripture right before he began his quote shows: "That satan, ...."

I'm glad his catholic roommate got excited about this "new" doctrine.

Glee Fail

I used to be a fan of Glee. I loved it. The music, the drama, the comedy.

Hellooooooooooooo Hellywood.

They are so foul and disrespectful and sacrilegious now that I cannot watch anymore.

I had to turn off the past few episodes after the first 10 minutes or so. Thanks guys. Way to be complete satan-spawn. I am officially done with you.

Anyone agree? I know I can be a total prude, but I could die of delight watching episodes of Arrested Development, Seinfeld, or Modern Family, all of which contain questionable stuff sometimes. Glee just went too far.

P.S. anyone else bugged by the fact that Glee songs have more billboard hits than anyone in history, and their songs are all unoriginal?

Soapbox. I conclude this rant.

Oh, but... I'm still going to be Sue Sylvester for Halloween.... Yikes.

Gems of Engineers

I have heard the following things or read them in an email in the past few weeks:

• "I don't want to be a pestimic.... but this assignment isn't benefishing my career."
• "I think you are doing a great job as the new administrative assistant and realize that you are mostly doing what Dr. Todd and Sorenson are asking you to do. However, you might try and think about how to ask the teams when and where they are meeting in a different way so that it does not come across as big brother watching."
• "We are not comparing you to Vauna. In fact, the other day, we were talking about this, and Bob said, 'but Lindsey is fast.'" (sounds like comparing me is EXACTLY what you were doing)
• "You are from Orem? Interesting. The music you're listening to... I just... don't really expect someone from Orem to listen to that." me: what, top 40? "Yeah." me: what did you expect, Classical? "Yeah."
• "What type of a watch is that? It's really awesome." me: what do you mean? "Like, Rolex?" me, looking at the dial, where he is looking, where it clearly says the designer's name: um no... it's just a fashion designer.
• me, a hundred times: Have a great day! or... Have a great weekend! or... Thank you! and "[crickets chirping]" from them every day
• This actually happened to a secretary in the department, not me: "Hi. Here's what I don't like about you."
• "I like your bobble-doll."
  

Dear engineers: Please take some social lessons. Love, Linz

My Daughters Will Never Date...

...and it's not because they won't be cool or cute, which they will be(?)...


I am with Jerry on this. Back in my parents' day, there were more great ones to choose from. Since the pool has steadily shrunk in size since the 70s, I can only deduce that my daughters will have to live celibate, single lives.

Case #1: The Dating Box Guy.We have a dating box in my ward where sisters put their names in and the guys pull them out and take them on a date. We do it to get to know each other better and to date more. I participate because I have a great time (occasionally) and because I am supposed to in order to set an example for the sisters. There is a rule that if you pull the same sister's name twice, you put it back. That way, more people are getting to know others, and if you want a second date, ASK THEM! This guy pulled my name a first time. Awkward telephone conversation, awkward date, nice guy - not for me. He took me to a Masons temple because he sits in on their meetings sometimes. Okay, whatever. We hardly spoke because he is the quietest guy I have ever met and his jeep didn't have air conditioning, so we enjoyed windows-down-freeway-deafening air. This guy pulled my name a second time. He told me about it and I laughed and was so relieved we have the rules in place that prohibit such awkwardness. Then, a couple weeks ago, he pulled it a third time. This time he decided he could just throw the rulebook out the Jeep window and ask me out again. The sisters have a rule that we have to say yes no matter who it is. Cool. Thanks. This time, he took me to an Indie Rock concert - not my thing - but it worked out great because it was deafening and we didn't need to talk. He is nice but just not for me. He also has posted fb statuses saying I was in his dreams. Okay! AWKWARD.

Case #2: The Other Dating Box Guy.
This one I even had a crush on at first - until I noticed that all those times I thought he was acting like he didn't get my jokes - he really didn't get them. He wasn't laughing with me. I was laughing at him. Unknowingly. He has no sarcasm. That's really him. We were on a group date (not with each other but were both in the group) and my date and I were laughing at a bottle of Ranch dressing because we were eating it, it wasn't ours, it was gross, and we noticed it expired two years ago - but we had to be polite to the person sitting there who lent it to us. The boy wanted to join our laughter but had no idea about the expiration date. He grabbed the bottle and said, "Hahaha!! Ranch." When he did pull my name from the box, he told me: "It might be a couple weeks because there's another girl I want to ask out first." I yelled at him to never tell a girl that. Yelled. Then he asked if we could get together again and watch his favorite movie, Fireproof. Since he asked me in front of people at the ward activity, I agreed. He laughed at the scene where the neighbor was grilling. For like ten minutes. It wasn't funny. He told his mom on the phone "I'm at Lindsey's house." Um she doesn't know me... but you didn't say, " a girl in my ward..." or "My friend Lindsey"... okay. Then, he introduced me to his entire family and his mom was really happy to meet me. AWKWARD.

Case #3: The Bambi-eyed Guy.

I was finally attracted to someone and interested in them after a long involuntary sabbatical (just like Jerry said...). He came to new member meeting and stared at me for a good chunk of time. When he introduced himself, he mentioned that he was driving recently on the Autobahn. Well naturally I gasped and interrupted him. "Wait, in Germany? What were you doing there?" "Oh I work there a lot." "oh, will you marry me?" - those last words were only heard by my thoughts. We checked his new member sheet and he is a director of marketing (cha-ching) for a local company that is mostly based in Germany. Hello. The next week, he sang at the piano with me for a bit and others joined in after he did. Great voice. Hello. Everything was working out perfectly. And then - I decided to facebook stalk him (come on, we all do it). Apparently he is a writer as well and has a degree in English from BYU-Idaho. He writes for an online satire site, so I checked out his articles. He posted links to them on his facebook so I'm sure lots of people have read them. First article: why he loves women's chestal areas. Photos. Cropped photos for the public. He did the cropping. Said the word "boobs" about 40 times. Talked about how he prefers them placed. Wow. Winner! Ding Ding Ding! I found him! The other two articles were about US politics and obesity. Both included nude images and lots of sexual references. Can I bring him home, ma?
P.S. I should have known he was a skeeze when I noticed that he hits ALL THREE of my "do not date" list topics. 1. Canadians. 2. Crazy Libertarians. 3. Hockey Players. I have had awful experiences with those three genres and hold fast to my rules.
I know that I am one to talk, and that beggars can't be choosers.... but um... look at my selection. I have several gorgeous, awesome galpals who don't date either. Seriously, my daughters don't have a shot. It's getting worse every day.

Those of you who are married, CONGRATULATIONS! You are part of that 4-6%. I applaud you and envy you.

I promise I'm not bitter or a man-hater. I just worry for the future. I've seen the past and present. Hello. I also know that if a guy comes along who treats me like the princess I act like 24/7 (a fairly low-maintenance princess) and he happens to be Canadian (highly unlikely), I will throw the rulebook out the Jeep window. If I want to get married, I cannot be TOO picky. I can, however, wait to marry someone who I actually click with and who doesn't write pornography articles on the side. I also know that the guy WILL come along. To all my single ladies, hang in there. Our turns will come, and just make sure you keep a shotgun handy for when your daughters start to date. Yikes.

Rise and Shout!

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAACK, cougartown. Resident "Nerd Mom" checking in.

Well, we all know the only reason I wanted this job was for the "A" lot parking pass, but it turns out that BYU is really fantastic in many areas.

1. I get to work with Wolf Shirt this year. Yep. Saw him on the class roll. For more info on him, check out this post as well.
2. Vauna is training me and is the only person who laughs at my jokes. My bosses think I am super weird:
-----A. Gregg asked me to fill out a fun email about myself and "why you're so cool" to send around the department so they can get to know me a little better. I sent this to him, thinking, this would make me want to at least talk to this person and get to know her better in person.

Hello, Gregg. Here is the email you requested yesterday about me. ☺

*I am the new Capstone Administrative Assistant, training with Vauna for the next month until she leaves for graduate school.
*Born in Louisville, KY in the awesome 1980s.
*Moved to Utah as a child; grew up in Orem. My favorite cartoons were Rainbow Brite and Fraggle Rock. I refused to watch Sesame Street because I did not want to conform with society.
*I had to wear an eye patch in Kindergarten to help my lazy eye. Other kids had cool dinosaur ones – mine was Band-Aid brown. Thanks mom!
*I have been regularly attending BYU football games since 7th grade and hate to miss a home game.
*I have been playing the piano and singing since childhood and love music.
*I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Geography from BYU, with an emphasis in Travel & Tourism.
*Traveling is one of my passions and I prefer Europe to any other place on Earth.
*My dad is a local filmmaker and I grew up on movie sets and traveling to shoots.
*I can out-quote anyone when it comes to movies. I always have an opinion about new movies, so feel free to ask me first if you want to know whether or not to see a certain one.
*I am lactose intolerant but never turn down ice cream (thank you Lactaid pills)!
*I am currently serving as Relief Society President in my Singles Ward. It’s amazing the drama 100 young single adult women can create.
*I own every episode of Seinfeld and the available Office episodes on DVD. I am pretty sure I saw Napoleon Dynamite 12 times in the theaters. Changed my life.
*I love getting to know people and hope to hear all about everyone in the office soon!


I hope that’s what you wanted. Let me know if I need to change it at all!

Thanks,

Lindsey Andersen


Well, Gregg sent this back, and I felt humiliated:


Thank you. This is a good start. I would put this into a couple of brief paragraphs and talk a little about your work history and decrease slightly some of the personal data from you early life.


Ha, well I am Ms. Cool. He probably thinks I am the weirdest weirdo that ever lived. Don't worry, he didn't like the second draft either, and I sent the third yesterday.

-----B. While eating at the Sky Room as a welcome for me, we were chatting over delicious food. Bob (sweet 180-year old boss) mentioned that we will be doing this again for Vauna when she leaves. He asked her where she would like to go and she had not yet decided. There was an uncomfortable silence, so I piped up, "I heard she really likes Taco Bell."

Gregg pretended to puke and Vauna was the ONLY one who laughed. I love her. Carl shook his head. Bob said, "Oh, I've never been there. Is it Mexican food?"3. I saw photos of a steel bow contest and got really excited to meet the students this year. Yep.
4. I have consumed 40 pounds of Creamery chocolate milk and an entire box of fudge coconut granola bars (thank you Aleta and Bryan!)... oh and that box of ritz bites from them as well.
5. My first day, a rose was delivered to my desk from Campus Craft & Floral - from HJolley. Love her.6. I have double screens. Oh baby.
7. I get to go to Devotional and classes to improve my computer application skills.
8. Cougareat.
9. Discount to football games.
10. "A" lot parking.

If you are in the area, stop on by. 427 Crabtree. The nerd building.

Love, Linzzzzzzz "trying out for cougarettes again" Andersen